Getting a Divorce ... any Advice?

[killerv]

For better of for worse right? My mother is a saint, stayed with my father through all the cheating he did, substance abuse, emotional and physical abuse. I don't know how she does it. She is deeply religious and she meant it when she said it. She thinks she'll be judged for it. He has moved out now but no divorce. I guess he would have to be the one to file it. I imagine he will at some point once he meets up with a lady that pushes the issue. Any time I have issues with the wife and the dreaded D word wants to come out of my mouth, I think back at my mom and how she dealt with way more issues than I have as far as marriage.

 

[lostchild]

My attorney told me “you can hire me or a hit man. You’ll wish you’d hired the hit man in the end”
Long story short…I hired an attorney and got screwed.


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The reason I skipped an attorney for divorce #2. After getting shafted in #1, figured the attorney fees I’d save could go toward the child support. And in Gwinnett county in the ‘80s the judges definitely gave the woman anything she asked for.

 

[yardboss1]

I used to work with a guy whose wife cheated on him and got pregnant. She was going to divorce him but her lawyer told her to wait until the baby was born so that he would be responsible for child support. (doesn't matter who the father is, if you are married at the time of birth it's legally considered your child) She had the kid, divorced him, took the house, and hit him for child support for a kid that wasn't his.

I told him that if I was on the jury at his murder trial I would definitely vote not guilty

I used to work with a woman that was in the process of getting a divorce. She said she never should have married the guy because of the differences in their educational backgrounds. She liked the way he looked and said he had " good genes ' so she made sure she got pregnant before the divorce finalized and stuck him with child support. Made me take my wife out to the movies and eat more often because I knew I had a " good one ". We are still rolling together 33 years and counting.

 

[Sowega86]

Currently living separated. We have kids 8, 6, 4.

I've hated where with live, the people we hang out with, the values we are instilling in our kids for quite some time now. I wanted to move to the mountains, but we are settling for the northern suburbs as she wants to stay around the rich neo lib hypocrites here in the city. She has done nothing to accommodate my desires for change, nor even given me an outlet (I was ready to buy undeveloped mountain property 5 years ago). We have already filed and are currently living separated.

Trying to be unbiased and understand it takes two to create and terminate a partnership … the reality is our values have gone into complete opposite directions and they have reached the breaking point over how we raise our kids and the lifestyles we live.

We are dividing the assets and plan to go 50/50 joint custody. We both have lawyers but trying to work things ourselves to keep those costs down. The biggest thing is who is in charge of education, as that determines where we live. I've been playing my cards right and have made it economically infeasible to stay where we currently are, but we ain't moving out close to as far as I want.

Any advice on how to move on? I'm much happier knowing I will have a future that will allow me to live a life closer to my values. But being alone is scary. Going through the process is scary.

I divorced in 2012 after 25 years marriage. It took me a good 3 years to get it all behind me. Fortunately, my kid was grown. One of the best things you can do is to sign up for a Divorce Care Class at a local church. They meet online now and in person. Atlanta Search Link:
https://www.divorcecare.org/s?center=(33.7491,-84.3902)&date_range=&day=&distance=&location_type=&query=Atlanta, Georgia, United States of America&sort_by=&type=

And get the Daily emails: https://www.divorcecare.org/dailyemails

Your internal healing and wellbeing is paramount. As a friend once said, "you want to get rid of all of the bad baggage before getting on the next train."

 

[teearr]

I used to work with a guy w hose wife cheated on him and got pregnant. She was going to divorce him but her lawyer told her to wait until the baby was born so that he would be responsible for child support. (doesn't matter who the father is, if you are married at the time of birth it's legally considered your child) She had the kid, divorced him, took the house, and hit him for child support for a kid that wasn't his.

I told him that if I was on the jury at his murder trial I would definitely vote not guilty

I'd be looking for that attorney.

 

[crippen]

Dang it man. Hate to hear this. I will add you to my prayer list. Hang in there man.

 

[Gunanddoglover]

The reason I skipped an attorney for divorce #2. After getting shafted in #1, figured the attorney fees I’d save could go toward the child support. And in Gwinnett county in the ‘80s the judges definitely gave the woman anything she asked for.

Still did as of 2012.

 

[ekb701]

Went thru my second divorce about 20 yrs ago. I was miserable. Came in one afternoon and set down on the sofa. House was very still. All I could hear was the frig running in the kitchen. I thought man it sure is quiet in here. Then the frig kicked off and I thought man it really is quiet now. The only sound was the clock ticking. So I set and listened for a couple of min. Then I realized how nice and peaceful it was not to have to listen someone bitchen and complaining about how their life was all messed up and how it was MY fault. My life has been pretty quiet and peaceful since that day. Just the way I like it.

 

[Nuke And Juke]

Right now my 8yo daughter is losing friends because she yells at them. But it is not as bad as that sentence sounds. She yells when she doesn't get what she wants. Still not as bad. She doesn't get what she wants after giving the friend what they want. She lets them pick the game, they play for 15 minutes, then it is her turn. But the little girls where I live don't play her game. Or they pick another game that is not equitable. And as the oldest who is driven, but also an empath that follows Jesus, this pisses her the **** off. She shares a room with her sister. She knows how to share. We just hang out with a bunch of selfish people with selfish kids. Just like stupid people have stupid kids. Then there is my partner, who feeds into the emotions instead of teaching her how to overcome them.

But now we are starting to get into the issues, so I'll stop. My daughter is in therapy now, but what she really needs better parenting and a better environment. It is why the D is worth it. I could have stuck it out for myself. It is the "for the kids" which is why I'm doing it. But it ain't staying together for them.. the opposite. It is me trying to show them a better way ... a way that my now partner does not want to live.

Here is the kicker, where God has a sense of humor. This part of the message will self destruct. I married a cute but cubby redhead. "**** the 10's, but marry a 7" is what I was taught She's probs a 6 ... ,,, all her local friends are smoking hot tall woman, mainly blonde, married to rich type A dudes. That is her support network. So she is thinking like an entitled smoke show right now, and that is not who I thought I married at all. I out kicked my coverage at work, but I stayed in my lane when it comes to partners, yet I enabled her to build a life I don't want to be a part of. I married a lazy procrastinating narcissist and enabler her. She was raised by narcissist and her father was an enabler who was the HMFIC for bulding the Blue Ocean launch pad in FL. He ran offices for Turner Construction. My MIL didn't get a toothbrush until she was 13. My wife's grandmother should be on TLC hoarders. My FIL paid all her bills. His son is 35, lives with mom, and has never kissed a girl even though he has an $80K degree from SCAD. The FIL died in Feb 2 years after retirement as he smoked and drank himself to death.

That ain't me babe.

It's like I'm in the twilight zone.

But I see the tunnel. I see the light.

8,6,4 are some of the best years to be with the kids. But since ur all in...u might as well just go all out attorney and be done with it. Ur on the hook for a lot unless u can get custody.

Stay business like...be done but be the Father of the Year going forth

 

[Abbsnkan]

3 pieces of advice
1. Get someone to talk to that has zero stake in it. You are about to get raped financially. You will experience the most frustration you’ve ever had with the family court system. You are going to be a visitor in your kids life regardless of what she says. There is absolutely zero positive outcome at this point . What you will have to do is live with the negative outcome and make it as painless as possible.
2. learn to let things go. You already stated she doesn’t care what your opinion is so don’t be surprised when she cares even less. Make sure your check is on time and write down every single thing and every single interaction with her. Do not under any circumstances try to “ make it peaceable” that’s a fairytale for the first few years and quite possibly for the entire time you pay child random to be allowed to see them.
3. Spend as much on an attorney as you can. While I hate attorneys with a passion since they are all scumbags who thrive on the misery and misfortune of society, they are necessary. Do not go along to play nice. Regardless of what she says today there will be a time when she will do what she wants when she wants and how she wants in regards to the kids.

ive been on both sides of the custodial issues and I can tell you that 95% of cops understand and are more than likely going through the same thing as you but that won’t stop them from locking you up over stupidity. Ive arrayed guys for acting stupid when trying to pick their kids up and a worthless mother was manipulating the situation. Then I’ve had my own guys write reports when my worthless ex manipulated a situation less than 24hrs later

Without a doubt you will be tested and if you are any kind of father will be do frustrated you’ll want to give up many times. Seek help to deal with it. You are a man and in today’s society in family court nobody cares about you.