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Getting a Divorce ... any Advice?

You did good.
1968…
My first divorce, retained attorney. First question, who is she using. I answered.
My attorney’s response: “Oh my God, not that SOB”
And so it began.
Not saying ex was vindictive, but the day divorce was final, “someone” reported it to selective service.
Got a call that same afternoon from another beyatch in that office (ex’s friend) informing me my draft notice was in the mail, and her words “you will be on the next boat to Vietnam”.
Jesus, what a cunt.
 
Currently living separated. We have kids 8, 6, 4.

I've hated where with live, the people we hang out with, the values we are instilling in our kids for quite some time now. I wanted to move to the mountains, but we are settling for the northern suburbs as she wants to stay around the rich neo lib hypocrites here in the city. She has done nothing to accommodate my desires for change, nor even given me an outlet (I was ready to buy undeveloped mountain property 5 years ago). We have already filed and are currently living separated.

Trying to be unbiased and understand it takes two to create and terminate a partnership … the reality is our values have gone into complete opposite directions and they have reached the breaking point over how we raise our kids and the lifestyles we live.

We are dividing the assets and plan to go 50/50 joint custody. We both have lawyers but trying to work things ourselves to keep those costs down. The biggest thing is who is in charge of education, as that determines where we live. I've been playing my cards right and have made it economically infeasible to stay where we currently are, but we ain't moving out close to as far as I want.

Any advice on how to move on? I'm much happier knowing I will have a future that will allow me to live a life closer to my values. But being alone is scary. Going through the process is scary.
You and her will be fine. The children will be the ones to suffer. My first wife left 20+ years ago for someone else. My now 37 year old son still has problems with relationships and will probably never marry. It’s never good.
 
Right now my 8yo daughter is losing friends because she yells at them. But it is not as bad as that sentence sounds. She yells when she doesn't get what she wants. Still not as bad. She doesn't get what she wants after giving the friend what they want. She lets them pick the game, they play for 15 minutes, then it is her turn. But the little girls where I live don't play her game. Or they pick another game that is not equitable. And as the oldest who is driven, but also an empath that follows Jesus, this pisses her the **** off. She shares a room with her sister. She knows how to share. We just hang out with a bunch of selfish people with selfish kids. Just like stupid people have stupid kids. Then there is my partner, who feeds into the emotions instead of teaching her how to overcome them.

But now we are starting to get into the issues, so I'll stop. My daughter is in therapy now, but what she really needs better parenting and a better environment. It is why the D is worth it. I could have stuck it out for myself. It is the "for the kids" which is why I'm doing it. But it ain't staying together for them.. the opposite. It is me trying to show them a better way ... a way that my now partner does not want to live.

Here is the kicker, where God has a sense of humor. This part of the message will self destruct. I married a cute but cubby redhead. "**** the 10's, but marry a 7" is what I was taught She's probs a 6 ... ,,, all her local friends are smoking hot tall woman, mainly blonde, married to rich type A dudes. That is her support network. So she is thinking like an entitled smoke show right now, and that is not who I thought I married at all. I out kicked my coverage at work, but I stayed in my lane when it comes to partners, yet I enabled her to build a life I don't want to be a part of. I married a lazy procrastinating narcissist and enabler her. She was raised by narcissist and her father was an enabler who was the HMFIC for bulding the Blue Ocean launch pad in FL. He ran offices for Turner Construction. My MIL didn't get a toothbrush until she was 13. My wife's grandmother should be on TLC hoarders. My FIL paid all her bills. His son is 35, lives with mom, and has never kissed a girl even though he has an $80K degree from SCAD. The FIL died in Feb 2 years after retirement as he smoked and drank himself to death.

That ain't me babe.

It's like I'm in the twilight zone.

But I see the tunnel. I see the light.
 
The only advice I can give is this, don't believe anything she says get it all down on paper, save any/ all receipt for things you help pay for her or the kids. Make a list as you think of something for the lawyer to include in the papers. And know this, she is no longer the woman that you love, she has become the devil, misleading and undermining you reputation and good name.
 
Divorced 6 years, remarried two years ago after a year and a half of dating. My new wife has really allowed us to show her how a man and a wife should live and treat each other. New wife also allows my daughter to see how an independent supportive woman lives and interacts with others.

Both my kids love her and support our marriage, it lends normalcy to their lives.

Not something to rush into, but give your kids a good example of what "Normal" is and looks like.
 
One last thing, best advice I ever got from attorney.

Start a journal in a notebook, write down every interaction. Time and date each entry/page.

Dynamite when judge saw it.
 
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Compromise, my learning to say “yes dear” and not letting pride get in the way of what’s best for our kids. Oh, and not wanting to sell my gun collection.


.
LOL
good luck with that. I thought the same thing. Oh, and mine took the most valuable pieces of my collections.
 
One last thing, best advice I ever got from attorney.

Start a journal in a notebook, write down every interaction. Time and date each entry/page.

Dynamite when judge saw it.
Been doing that for 2 months . Will do for a long time coming.

Look up "The List men's divorce forum"
 
Beware of the “rebound” relationship. Don’t date women you meet in bars. One night stands only if you must.
Much better for you and your children if you keep another woman out of their lives for at least a long adjustment period.
When you are ready for another relationship think divorce recovery class in church, not bar scene.
My "rebound" that i met in a bar is the best thing that ever happened to me.
31+ years now.
 
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