How about some clean updated nursery rhymes??

[Hotdiggitydog]

Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon
10,000 volts went up it's arse
and turned it's wool to nylon

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too cause he was gay

Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn
You'll break your neck trying to blow your horn.

What you got?

HDD

 

[mfoster]

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

 

[mojo]

Oh wait, you said clean.....

 

[GAgunLAWbooklet]

Jack and Jill
went up the hill,
each with a buck and a quarter.

Jill came down with $2.50, that slut!

 

[GAgunLAWbooklet]

F-word in this bedtime story by Samuel L. Jackson.
NSFW.

 

[ShawnZR-1]

Little boy blew... WHAT? He needed the money!!!

 

[Hotdiggitydog]

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her
Between to hunks of bread

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Her clothes all tattered and torn
It was not the spider that sat down beside her
But Little Boy Blue and his horn

HDD

 

[MacTavish]

Little Miss Muffet sat on a Tuffet
Eating her curds and whey. (Cheese of the Cottage)
Along came a spider and sat down beside her
And said, "What's in the bowl Bi**h?"

 

[mrkistle]

Mary had a little lamb
she fed it castor oil
and every time it jump the fence
it fertilized the soil

 

[sc951]

Jack and jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack got down and jill came around
Now the have a son and a daughter