Men making new friends...

[Deleted member 97214]

I have absolutely nothing, or very little in common with some of my best friends. Thats how you diversify your interests. I like them for who they are, not what they like to do.

 

[JDUB]

Duke556 I am with this 100%. I wrote a similar thread a while ago on how men just don’t “talk” to each other anymore and we really need to. The loner tough guy approach to life isn’t sustainable without carrying a bunch of bs that could have been shared or squashed with other viewpoints and input.

I feel like we need to stick together now more than ever and make sure we are all accountable to each other to be the best men/husbands/fathers/fkn warriors we can be.

This should be a very accepted thing and not pushed off like some would like. I’m talking about educating and breeding out the strong-good man mentality. We got to stick together and support each other. we would all be stronger because of it.

 

[Deleted member 93988]

"friends" are overrated, and family is even worse. My tribe are the three people who live under my roof, wife and two kids. And my parents. they are the only people who push me to do better and who I can count on win the fit hits the shan.

 

[rOmiLaYu]

the fit hits the shan.

Been on this planet five decades...never heard that.

 

[Duke556]

It took me many years to realize my true friend was with me everyday. There is no value to me to be away from her. Seems you have a need not being met and I applaud you for reaching out trying to fulfill.

It sounds like you’re referring to a wife or a girlfriend, and yes there is value to being away from her. Spending time with male friends you can enrich your life is something your wife or girlfriend cannot do. My wife is very cool too, we share a lot of common interests. With a married for 30 years. But just like I’ll never replace her having female friends in her life she will never replace me having males in mine. My 02 cents on that

 

[Duke556]

"friends" are overrated, and family is even worse. My tribe are the three people who live under my roof, wife and two kids. And my parents. they are the only people who push me to do better and who I can count on win the fit hits the shan.

I hear you on the family, return to let our relatives get away with a lot more than we would our friends or coworkers. But your wife kids and parents are not going to give you the enrichment that comes from equals, males who are familiar with you and your situation. Which is the entire point of my post.

 

[J.W.]

So today’s topic is friends, making friends as a man over 30, or over 40 as it is in my case. I think this is one of the biggest challenges we face individually as men and I’m gonna be the one to drop my nuts on the desk and address it with all of you. In the hopes that at the least we get a good discussion going, and at best maybe I can link up with someone to be a solid “local friend”. What do I mean by local friend, well I have two great ones that live 6 hours north and 6 hours south of me. Which is a little tough logistically to do anything more than once a month or once every other month based on their schedules (kids, work, girlfriend, etc).

I’m lucky that I have a supportive wife who is totally encouraging of her man getting out and doing “man ****” with other dudes as much as logistics allow. I have two local “place holders” who while close by, just don’t make the cut. I’m gonna get a little negative here for a minute but stay with me and I’ll pick it back up. The place holders are guys (we all know them) who are always saying “we need to go shoot”, or “we need to go get lunch” but you either don’t hear from them or when you reach out they have to ask momma if they can have some adult time. Or you’re just slightly out of their comfort zone and they don’t want to be challenged by a friend to be better (whether it’s more fitness, being well read, taking on some charity work, whatever really). A lot of guys (note, not men) want it easy, they want to be with someone who doesn’t question, challenge or push them to be better.

Well Gentlemen, that’s absolute horse**** and if you’re doing that, you’re a place holder for someone and you’re not being the best version of yourself for your wife, kids, job and certainly not yourself…and oh yeah, your dog knows too. I don’t mean to come off like an a$$ here because a lot of place holders know their situation and they just don’t want to spend the energy to come out of it. Therefore we gotta sort and sift til we find the men that can challenge us.

If you’re currently in a good tribe, well then, I congratulate you. Hell, send me a PM maybe I can be a part of it, maybe I can be challenged and uncomfortable catching up.

Ok so a little about me;

I don’t want to go to church with you. I love the lord but I also love my Sundays and am perfectly happy without the hypocrisy of organized religions on a lot of fronts (that one just lost me some contenders fellas LOL). But it’s how I feel.

I enjoy working out. Kettlebells, rucking, swimming, running weights. I’m former Mil and LE so the body has taken a beating. But if you can’t keep up with a 49 year old who’s been through some injuries than yeah…we covered that above.

I like to read, and write (obviously). I am a dog owner and my Dane mix is better behaved than most people’s kids. Lotta time and work goes into that. I am married (for a lot of years) and that came with some scars and lessons that I’m happy to pass on if someone is in my friend circle. By the time you reach 50 you realize that all of your mistakes and bullsh1t were for a reason and helped mold you into the person you currently are.

I’m not into sports, sorry lost a whole bunch with that one. My theory is if I didn’t go to the school, or ain’t being paid by the team then why should I give a rip, much less learn the stats, etc. If that’s you then go with god. Have a blast. I am a movie guy and can quote anchorman with the best of em’

If you wanna know more you’ll reach out. Or you can message me to GF myself, that’d be fine too LOL

Feel free to post comments on this taboo subject we all should be looking into.

Cheers gentlemen.

Matt

I'm sure that I am not alone when I state: I could have written at least 80% of your post myself.

There just aren't many opportunities to make new friends for guys with jobs, wives, and kids, but as I get into my 50s, I see that I can (and will) have more opportunities to get out and be more social with friends. However, a true friend is hard to find.

 

[JDUB]

"friends" are overrated, and family is even worse. My tribe are the three people who live under my roof, wife and two kids. And my parents. they are the only people who push me to do better and who I can count on win the fit hits the shan.

See this isn’t the case for some. Some folks don’t even have that, even in a full household. Some don’t have anyone in their corner Supporting them to do better. That’s why we are having this convo, because we are missing something huge.

But to each their own. I’m not knocking it.

All I know is, if I had wisdom shared with me a long time ago, from a confidant or someone I looked up to and respected a ton, my life could be completely different. That could be true for a lot of folks.

I had no grandfathers to teach me or fish or hunt with. My father was dealing with trauma from how terrible his father was to him and wasn’t emotionally secure enough to change that generationally with me. So I had to figure that **** out on my own and it sucked..for years. But now I have a pretty good life with a good home life because I knew I wanted different. But it could have come way earlier.

Talking about this stuff may be way outside someone’s comfort zone. But I would like fellow men to know that it can be better.

 

[Targetmaster]

I actually prefer my Enemies, most of my "Friends" have betrayed me at one time or another, I know what to expect from my Enemies, My Friends? Once my Back is turned? I've never sold out anyone, but to others, that 30 pieces of Silver is hard to pass up..

 

[Duke556]

I'm sure that I am not alone when I state: I could have written at least 80% of your post myself.

There just aren't many opportunities to make new friends for guys with jobs, wives, and kids, but as I get into my 50s, I see that I can (and will) have more opportunities to get out and be more social with friends. However, a true friend is hard to find.

Especially If you aren’t tied in locally, meaning friends and family in high school buddies cause you’re still in the same town. The types of friends are great, it’s just not always logistically possible depending on where we live, and where we move to. Through military service in a couple of moves it’s hard to have that local homegrown following. And to your point about time and distractions it’s another reason why I have very little tolerance for friends who will not make the effort. It takes two people making an effort to build a friendship, and then to maintain it. If you can’t tell your wife and your boss, and your family that you need time with other men to grow and be better for them and yourself, then you’re missing out on a part of life that we all need.