This Joke is too Close to Home huh?

[Megawolf]

 

[Megawolf]

 

[Megawolf]

This explains why the guys at the gas station and corners are always asking for a quarder.

 

[Megawolf]

Honey, i shrunk the.....kid?

Shout out to @gamtnlover

I gotta get @billieco to make a holster


Wish my GI Joe had this back in the dsy

 

[Megawolf]

A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy two servings per night and a few more on weekends, I consume 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals to one pound of weight per week.
Therefore, in the last three and a half years, I have had a chocolate caloric intake of about 180 pounds. I only weigh 165 pounds, so without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing about three months ago.
I owe my life to chocolate!

 

[Megawolf]

A man went to the doctor. He said, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"
The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."
"I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on?" the doctor asked.
"That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee."
The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say, "Man, I really need 10 dollars, just lend me 10 bucks!!"
"Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded.
"Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him.
The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 dollars. Lend me 5 bucks please if you will."
"I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books," he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books. "I can make a well educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg seems to be broke in three places."

 

[aFarewellToKings]

A man went to the doctor. He said, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"
The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."
"I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on?" the doctor asked.
"That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee."
The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say, "Man, I really need 10 dollars, just lend me 10 bucks!!"
"Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded.
"Wait Doc, that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him.
The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 dollars. Lend me 5 bucks please if you will."
"I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said. "There's nothing about it in my books," he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books. "I can make a well educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg seems to be broke in three places."

That is one lame leg.

 

[Grub Master]

For informational purposes:
Apparently you p** on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain - my apologies to the lady at the Waffle House this morning.

 

[Megawolf]

In the middle of an argument a man said to his wife, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time!"
The wife responded calmly, "Allow me to explain...the good Lord made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; and he made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

 

[Megawolf]

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As a Michigan State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Trooper's Ball."
He replied, "Michigan State Troopers don't have balls."



There was a long moment of silence. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left.