This Joke is too Close to Home huh?

[Megawolf]

The 7 Dwarfs go to the Vatican and, because they are the 7 Dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.
Grumpy leads the pack.
'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?'
Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?'
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.
In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.
Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?'
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?'
The Pope, really confused by the questions says, 'I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.'
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......
'Grumpy screwed a penguin!'
'Grumpy screwed a penguin!'

 

[Megawolf]

A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
"This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests and we've found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!"
"Oh my gosh," cries the man. He's in a panic now. "What are you going to do, doctor?"
"Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread."
"Will that cure me?" asked the man hopefully.
The doctor replied, "Well no, but ... it's the only food we can get under the door."

 

[Rougarou]

View attachment 2223993

When you wanna mow more than grass...this was at the GON convention a few weekends ago.

B Bobby Helms

 

[Bobby Helms]

Awesome! I want 3 !

 

[Megawolf]

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper. "Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?"
"Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's bottom. It's $1.50 per roll."
He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft, strong but gentle, and it's $1.00 a roll.
Pointing to the bottom shelf he tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20 cents per roll."
"Give me the No Name," she says. She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, "Hey! I've got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne.
"Why?" he asks
She says, "Because it's rough, it's tough and it don't take crap from anybody!"

 

[Megawolf]

When Mahatma Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London , a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always displayed prejudice and animosity towards him. Also, because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him as he expected, there were always "arguments" and confrontations. One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University, and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor said, "Mr Gandhi, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat."
Gandhi looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, "You do not worry professor. I'll fly away," and he went and sat at another table.
Mr. Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test paper, but Gandhi responded brilliantly to all questions. Mr. Peters, unhappy and frustrated, asked him the following question. "Mr Gandhi, if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money, which one would you take?"
Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, "The one with the money, of course." Mr. Peters , smiling sarcastically said, "I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom, don't you think?"
Gandhi shrugged indifferently and responded, "Each one takes what he doesn't have."
Mr. Peters, by this time was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he wrote on Gandhi's exam sheet the word "idiot" and gave it to Gandhi.
Gandhi took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk, trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move. A few minutes later, Gandhi got up, went to the professor and said to him in a dignified but sarcastically polite tone, "Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade."

 

[Megawolf]

I apologise for this one is so corny......but it did make me chuckle....
A young boy begs his dad for a pet. His dad thinks long a hard. A dog would be hard work, he doesn’t like cats, his wife doesn’t like birds he was a bit stuck but said they’d go to the pet shop and have a look. Once at the shop pet shop owner says he has just the pet, a hamster. They don’t live long, easy to look after & are cheap. The lad is very excited with the idea so the dad agrees.
The pet shop owner shows dad two different types of hamster. “There’s these for £5 or for £3 more you can have one of these”. “What’s the difference?” he asks. “Well, as you know hamsters only last a few years but if you get one of these you can make jam from it afterwards” said the pet shop owner, then proceeded to give cooking instructions. The dad agrees & buys his son an £8 hamster.
After a few years the hamster died. Whilst the lad was in school the dad thought about what the pet shop owner had said & thought he’d give the jam a go. He put the hamster in a pan with a load of sugar & a bit of water, simmered it for ages then put the resultant “jam” in jars feeling chuffed with his efforts.
The next morning he thought he’d try some of the jam on toast. It was disgusting, and threw the whole jar & his toast straight out the kitchen window where it smashed in a stone in his flowerbed.
He thought nothing more of it until a week later he looked out if his window & saw a whole host of gorgeous daffodils. He went to the pet shop later that day & explained everything to the pet shop owner. The man recognised him, listened to the story but then when the dad had finished looked all confused & said
“that’s strange, normally you only get tulips from hamster jam!”

 

[Megawolf]

What's on your mind?Alzheimer's Test. It takes less than 15 seconds....
If you are over 65yrs. old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test.
See how fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?
1. _ _NDOM
2. F_ _K
3. P_N_S
4. PU_S_
5. S_X
6. BOO_S
Answers:
1. RANDOM
2. FORK
3. PANTS
4. PULSE
5. SIX
6. BOOKS
You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?
You do NOT have Alzheimer's
You are a Pervert just li,e the rest of us!

 

[Megawolf]

One day a little Johnny was at school. In Social Studies class, his teacher was talking about people's last names, about how in the old days their last names used to indicate their occupations.
She gave examples like Baker, which meant he was a baker for a living; Miller meant that person worked in a paper mill, and so on.
Then little Johnny raised his hand, and the teacher said, "Do you have an example for the class?"
He said, "Not really, more of a question."
"Well, what's your question?" the teacher asked.
"Well," said little Johnny, "what did John Hancock do for a living?"

 

[Megawolf]

A Married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel.
Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.
The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.
He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently. Up to 60. "I want the car, too," he continues.
Then 65 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
This makes him nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies-in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need," she says.
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag!"