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My girlfriend said she was breaking up with me because of what she says is my obsession with the '60s group The Monkees.
I thought she said it in jest, at first.
BUT THEN I SAW HER FACE...
.
..
NOW I'M A BELIEVER!
I thought she said it in jest, at first.
BUT THEN I SAW HER FACE...
.
..
NOW I'M A BELIEVER!
Gives new meaning to gooble day.
A couple, both age 78, went to a se*x therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have se*x?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have se*x," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have se*x with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare
A couple, both age 78, went to a se*x therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have se*x?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have se*x," and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have se*x with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare
Fing hilarious
Baptizing a Drunk
A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
"Yes I am" replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, I haven't." The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"
The drunk again answers, "No, I have not found Jesus."
By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.
When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up.
The preacher asks the drunk again, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher . . . . "Are you sure this is where he fell in ??"
A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
"Yes I am" replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, I haven't." The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"
The drunk again answers, "No, I have not found Jesus."
By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.
When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up.
The preacher asks the drunk again, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher . . . . "Are you sure this is where he fell in ??"
So that last one reminds me of:
---------------
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon. With great passion he shouted, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then finally, he said,
"And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
He sat down.
The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing
Hymn # 365:
"Shall We Gather at the River."
***********************************
Source: https://www.jokelabs.com/2008/02/1393-shall-we-gather-at-the-river.html
---------------
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon. With great passion he shouted, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then finally, he said,
"And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
He sat down.
The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing
Hymn # 365:
"Shall We Gather at the River."
***********************************
Source: https://www.jokelabs.com/2008/02/1393-shall-we-gather-at-the-river.html
Those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together? Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my beer out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to drive. It's just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
