This Joke is too Close to Home huh?

[Megawolf]

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."

Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Jack took the money.

 

[Megawolf]

Sweet honest innocence - Good Advice From Kids

"Never trust a dog to watch your food." -Patrick, age 10

"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' Don't answer." -Hannah, age 9

"Never tell your Mom her diet's not working." -Michael, age 14

"Stay away from prunes." -Randy, age 9

"Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to." -Emily, age 10

"When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair." -Taylia, age 11

"Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment." -Traci, age 14

"A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac." - Andrew, age 9

"Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time." - Kyoyo, age 11

"You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk." -Amir, age 9


"Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts." -Kellie, age 11

"If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse." -Naomi, age 15

"Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick." -Lauren, age 9

"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat." -Joel, age 10

"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she's on the phone." -Alyesha, age 13

"Never try to baptize a cat." -Eileen, age 8

 

[Megawolf]

I know this feeling all too well.

 

[Megawolf]

Watch out,, the scoccer moms are united now!

 

[Megawolf]

This is fun knee......

 

[Megawolf]

I WOKE UP TO GO TO THE TOILET IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT (AS I OFTEN DO).
I noticed a strange individual who looked like a burglar with a knife in his hand, sneaking through my next door neighbor’s back garden.
Suddenly my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly.
He then dug a grave in the veggie patch and put the body in it and covered it.
Astonished, I got back into bed. As I tossed and turned my wife said, "You're upset, what is it?"
"You'll never believe what I've just seen," I said.
”What?” she said.
"THAT B*STARD NEXT DOOR HAS STILL GOT MY SHOVEL"

 

[Megawolf]

I NEED TO SPEAK TO THE ADMIN OF THIS GROUP!!!


CAN ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?! WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. SHE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN UNCOMPROMISING POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR ONLINE SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON. THANK YOU!


Lol, I spit my screen

 

[Megawolf]

Gas is ridiculous. Now it cost 12 primers to fill ip.....or.....

Thanks Sean!

 

[Megawolf]

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bible.
2. A silver dollar.
3. A bottle of whiskey.
4. A Playboy magazine.

'I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up."

"If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!"
"If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too."
"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be."
"And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine's centerfold.

"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered. "He's gonna run for Congress."

 

[Megawolf]

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder.. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!'
(Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you.'

'Scripture?' replied the burglar.. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'