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This Joke is too Close to Home huh?

Gotta love blondes

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Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."
Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the phamacist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it...This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys.
Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."
He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it...all of them hit the floor and broke.
Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer...and, honest mister, all I did was tell her!"
 
On the first day of computer science class, the college professor though he would have a little fun and do a logic test with the class. So he divided the class with men on one side and women on the other. He then gave them 20 minutes to decided if a computer is male or female.

After 20 minutes, he asked the men to go first. The men decided that the computer was definitely female because:

1. No one but their Creator understands their internal logic
2. When computers communicate with each other they speak in code language that only they and experts can understand
3. Every mistake you make is stored on their hard drive for later retrieval
4. Because as soon as commit to one you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessorizing it.

The professor thought this was good but now turned and asked the women what gender did they think the computer should be.

They replied that a computer is ultimately male because:

1. First off, in order to get their full attention, you must turn them on
2. They have lots of data but still cannot think for themselves
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they are the problem
4. Because as soon as you commit to one you realize if you had waited, something better would have come around
 
My wife does not like spiders. So when she found one in the house, I went to go kill it. No she said, take it out!!! So I did. We went to Taco Mac. He was a pretty good fella. Said he works all night as a web developer.
 
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened that's so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened then?
Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Again?
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do then?
Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.
Man: Hmmm
Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So, what did you do?
Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in...
 
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