This Joke is too Close to Home huh?

[aFarewellToKings]

So, there is a lot of talk about kids identifying as cats or dogs “furries”, and this is hilarious. . Imagine if you can, that one of my boys told me they thought they were a cat?

Sitting at the supper table son says: “Dad, I think I’m a cat!

Dad: “No son, you’re a boy! “

My son: “No dad some of my friends at school identify as cats, they call themselves furries, and so do I !! It’s my right and you can’t do anything about it!”

Dad: “OK!! “

My son: “Hey, where’s my supper? “

Dad: “Your supper is in the catfood bowl in the corner. Now get off the table you mangy cat!”

My son: “What???”

Dad: hits him with a broom, “get off the table furball!!”

My son in the corner looking bewildered!

Me to my wife : “Is that cat neutered”??

My wife: “I will make an appointment!! “

My son: “What??? “

Dad: “Your mother and I have decided we don’t want a house cat, so get out to the barn and hunt mice!”

My son: “What???”

Dad: brandishes broom, “NOW, to the barn you stupid cat!!”

My son: “Dad, I think I’m a boy!”

Dad: “I thought so, now sit down and eat your supper!!”

You forgot to mention the litter box.

 

[jmartinroe]

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.

Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major said, "Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little.

Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955."

She said, "Well, there you are.

You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!

I mean, no sex since 1955!

Isn't that a little extreme?"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "You think so?

It's only 2130 now."

 

[Megawolf]

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....

 

[Megawolf]

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...

 

[Megawolf]

Third time is the charm...


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets
and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that
I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
And then the fight started...

 

[Beulah Land]

 

[Farmer 2]

An 85 yr old man was out walking and he saw a frog. He picked it up and it started talking to him. She said I had a spell cast on me by a witch I will be a frog until a man kisses me then I will be his forever so if you will kiss me I will turn into a beautiful princess. The old man put the frog in his pocket and started home. On his way he met a friend and took the frog out of his pocket. She said I am telling you the truth all you have to do is kiss me and I will turn into a beautiful princess and be yours forever. His friend said are you going to kiss her. The old man put the frog back into his pocket and said no at my age I would rather have a talking frog than a beautiful princess

 

[MuleShoe]

Ain’t it the truth! lol!

 

[Farmer 2]

Ain’t it the truth! lol!

I hate to admit it

 

[Megawolf]

When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a daring proposal;
-Whoever dares to jump, swim to shore and survive, I will give 1 million dollars.

Nobody dared to move, suddenly a man jumped into the water and desperately swam towards the shore while he was chased by all the crocodiles.

With great luck he arrived, taking the admiration of everyone in the place, then the owner announced;
-We have a brave winner.

After collecting their reward, the couple returned to the hotel, upon arrival, the manager told him; he was very brave to jump, then the man said;
-I didn't jump, someone pushed me!

His wife smiled ...

Moral: "Behind every successful man, there is a woman who "pushes" him."