This Joke is too Close to Home huh?

[Megawolf]

The Pun Trilogy:

Part I:
Hipsters love Raiders of the Lost Ark, because it was the first Indie movie.

Part II:
The fastest way to quit being a vegan is cold turkey.

Part III:
If you have scurvy, you should hope life gives you lemons.

Sometimes, people ask me, "how is that a trilogy? That lemon joke isn't even a pun!"

To which I say " Part three of a trilogy is SUPPOSED to leave a sour taste in your mouth."

 

[DrewR700]

Oh I'm subbed up to this now!! Some GOOOOD material here.

 

[Megawolf]

 

[Megawolf]

 

[Megawolf]

All im sayin is.....

 

[Megawolf]

Looters hitting the street? Any surprise?

 

[Megawolf]

One for the riders......

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs...phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work. You don't know them". I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive.
Anyway, I've never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my new BMW R1150GS next to the garage and hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home.
It was at that moment, crouching behind my bike, that I noticed the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking oil. Should I exercise my man card and just fix this myself or should I take it back to the dealer for warranty repairs?

 

[Megawolf]

A little boy was sitting in the kitchen doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a ***** is seven. Three plus six, that son of a ***** is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day. "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say 'two plus two, that son of a ***** is four'?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

 

[Megawolf]

another oldie for riders.....
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was just plain burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, and mix in his love of bikes, he decided to become a motorcycle mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?"

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly,
which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together
again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." After a pause, the
instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through
the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career."

 

[Megawolf]

The Night Light, God & the Doctor

A 85-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results.


The doctor says,
"Walter, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

Walter replies,
"God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!

The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! The light goes off."


"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.


A little later in the day, the doctor calls Walter's wife. "Mildred," he says, Walter is doing fine!
But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.

Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof, the light goes off?"


"Oh sweet Jesus," exclaims Mildred.


"He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

<1428>