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My wife was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual Soft-boiled
eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she
normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and
said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!
"My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to
be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and
then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she
said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around
her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all
about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken.
eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she
normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and
said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!
"My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to
be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and
then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she
said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around
her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all
about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken.
A man stops at a roadside dinner for lunch and sits down at the counter, and he tells the waitress that he would like a hamburger and fries.
As the man is sitting at the counter waiting for his food, he notices that he can see the cook in the kitchen who happens to be is a very fat and hairy man.
Then what’s happens next totally shocks the man, as he watches the cook take a lump of hamburger meat which he places in his arm pit and squeezes into a hamburger paddy, and then throws it down on the grill.
Seeing as how he is the only customer sitting at the counter, the man can only assume that the hamburger that the cook just squeezed in his arm pit is the one for his hamburger
In shock from what he just saw the cook do, as the waitress walks by he stops her and asks if the cook always makes the hamburger paddies by squeezing the meat in his arm pit, to which the waitress answered yes, and she said told the man if you think that’s sometime, you should see how he makes donut
As the man is sitting at the counter waiting for his food, he notices that he can see the cook in the kitchen who happens to be is a very fat and hairy man.
Then what’s happens next totally shocks the man, as he watches the cook take a lump of hamburger meat which he places in his arm pit and squeezes into a hamburger paddy, and then throws it down on the grill.
Seeing as how he is the only customer sitting at the counter, the man can only assume that the hamburger that the cook just squeezed in his arm pit is the one for his hamburger
In shock from what he just saw the cook do, as the waitress walks by he stops her and asks if the cook always makes the hamburger paddies by squeezing the meat in his arm pit, to which the waitress answered yes, and she said told the man if you think that’s sometime, you should see how he makes donut
Concerning a Grandmothers Visit
"Oh, I sure am glad to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother (on his mother's side). "Now Daddy will do the trick he's been promising us."
The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked.
"He told Mommy that he'd climb the walls if you came to visit," answered the boy.
"Oh, I sure am glad to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother (on his mother's side). "Now Daddy will do the trick he's been promising us."
The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked.
"He told Mommy that he'd climb the walls if you came to visit," answered the boy.
My Favorite Animal
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am . . .
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am . . .
A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm.
She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."
Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?"
She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."
Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?"
think about it.....Farmer Ned gets a new bull, but the bull's just not interested in the cows.
Ned goes to the vet, gets some pills for the bull, and next thing you know, the bull's serviced all his cows and broke down the fence to take care of the neighbor's cows.
Ned's friend, Bubba, asks, "Ned, what kinda pills were those?"
Ned answers, "Not sure, but they kinda have a pepperminty after-taste."
Ned goes to the vet, gets some pills for the bull, and next thing you know, the bull's serviced all his cows and broke down the fence to take care of the neighbor's cows.
Ned's friend, Bubba, asks, "Ned, what kinda pills were those?"
Ned answers, "Not sure, but they kinda have a pepperminty after-taste."
Two Cups of Coffee
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barack Obama meets a man with a beard.
"Are you Mohammed?" he asks.
"No my son, I am St. Peter; Mohammed is higher up." Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St. Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs up through the clouds and comes into a room where he meets another bearded man. He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
"Why no," he answers, "I am Moses; Mohammed is higher still."
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs the ladder yet again.
He discovers a larger room where he meets an angelic looking man with a beard. Full of hope,he asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
"No, I am Jesus, the Christ; you will find Mohammed higher up."
Mohammed higher than Jesus! Man, oh man! Obama can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs ever higher.
Once again, he reaches an even larger room where he meets this truly magnificent looking man with a silver white beard and once again repeats his question:
"Are you Mohammed?" he gasps as he is by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.
"No, my son, I am Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega, but you look exhausted.Would you like a cup of coffee?"
Obama says, "Yes please!"
As God looks behind him, he claps his hands and yells out: "Hey, Mohammed, two coffees!"
Keep your trust in God
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barack Obama meets a man with a beard.
"Are you Mohammed?" he asks.
"No my son, I am St. Peter; Mohammed is higher up." Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St. Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs up through the clouds and comes into a room where he meets another bearded man. He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
"Why no," he answers, "I am Moses; Mohammed is higher still."
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs the ladder yet again.
He discovers a larger room where he meets an angelic looking man with a beard. Full of hope,he asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
"No, I am Jesus, the Christ; you will find Mohammed higher up."
Mohammed higher than Jesus! Man, oh man! Obama can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs ever higher.
Once again, he reaches an even larger room where he meets this truly magnificent looking man with a silver white beard and once again repeats his question:
"Are you Mohammed?" he gasps as he is by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.
"No, my son, I am Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega, but you look exhausted.Would you like a cup of coffee?"
Obama says, "Yes please!"
As God looks behind him, he claps his hands and yells out: "Hey, Mohammed, two coffees!"
Keep your trust in God
