A married husband and wife went shopping together for their tenth year anniversary present. They recently learned the best thing was to let the other pick out what they wanted and this was their first time doing it. They were in a very congested up town shopping center. The wife suddenly noticed the husband was missing so of course she called him on the phone. "Honey. you know we have a lot to do today so please meet me at the food court" said the wife. "But honey, I found the perfect gift. You will love it" he said to his darling wife. He continued..."Do you remember that shop where we met my football buddy at?". "No" she said half-halfheartedly. He continued "Well, at that time you had your eye on that radiant necklace at the jeweler right beside it". "OH YES!, I remember that necklace....but" and she was interrupted by the husband excitedly exclaiming "Well, I am right across the street at the new gun store picking up a new autographed James Bond 007 special edition gun".
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An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 AM and was asked where he was going at that time of night. The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late." The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replied, "That would be my wife."
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!”
He slams the door and returns to bed.
“Who was that?” asked his wife.
“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.
“Did you help him?” she asks.
“No, I did not, it’s 3am in the morning and it’s well pouring with rain out there!”
“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!
“God loves drunk people too you know.”
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”
“Yes,” comes back the answer.
“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.
“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.
“Where are you?” asks the husband.
“Over here on the swing,” replied the drunk.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!”
He slams the door and returns to bed.
“Who was that?” asked his wife.
“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.
“Did you help him?” she asks.
“No, I did not, it’s 3am in the morning and it’s well pouring with rain out there!”
“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!
“God loves drunk people too you know.”
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”
“Yes,” comes back the answer.
“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.
“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.
“Where are you?” asks the husband.
“Over here on the swing,” replied the drunk.
Makes me think of the 19x
Here's one I just made up after sitting on the new Goldwing Dual Clutch Transmission (DCT) over at Cycle Shack in Conroe. The DCT doesn't have a clutch lever nor a shift lever for the foot. It feels very odd! You need to try it if you haven't already.
Anyway, I got to thinking about it and decided the salesmen should use this for new prospective customers!
Customer: "It feels very odd, with no clutch or shift lever!"
Salesman: "It's Honda's new marketing strategy!"
Customer: "Huh?"
Salesman: "They are asking an arm and a leg! Well, now you don't need them!"
I suspect you would have to know your customer.
Here's one I just made up after sitting on the new Goldwing Dual Clutch Transmission (DCT) over at Cycle Shack in Conroe. The DCT doesn't have a clutch lever nor a shift lever for the foot. It feels very odd! You need to try it if you haven't already.
Anyway, I got to thinking about it and decided the salesmen should use this for new prospective customers!
Customer: "It feels very odd, with no clutch or shift lever!"
Salesman: "It's Honda's new marketing strategy!"
Customer: "Huh?"
Salesman: "They are asking an arm and a leg! Well, now you don't need them!"
I suspect you would have to know your customer.
This just in :
Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor, who tries a few things but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" The medicine man replies:"All you or your partner have to say is '1234', and it will go down. But be warned -- it will not work again for another year!"
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise Joyce He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her, says, "123."
He suddenly becomes more aroused than anytime in his life ... just as the medicine man had promised. Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"
And that, my friends, is why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition.
Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor, who tries a few things but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.
The medicine man says, "I can cure this." That said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" The medicine man replies:"All you or your partner have to say is '1234', and it will go down. But be warned -- it will not work again for another year!"
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise Joyce He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her, says, "123."
He suddenly becomes more aroused than anytime in his life ... just as the medicine man had promised. Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"
And that, my friends, is why you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition.
A body builder took off his shirt and a blonde said, "What a big chest you have!'
He said,'That's 100 lbs. of TNT.' Then he took off his pants and she says, "What huge calves!'
'That's 100 lbs.of TNT.' He then removed his shorts and she ran out of the apt screaming in fear.
He put his clothes on and ran after her. 'Why did you run?'.
She said, 'I was afraid to be around all that TNT when I saw how short the fuse was!'----
He said,'That's 100 lbs. of TNT.' Then he took off his pants and she says, "What huge calves!'
'That's 100 lbs.of TNT.' He then removed his shorts and she ran out of the apt screaming in fear.
He put his clothes on and ran after her. 'Why did you run?'.
She said, 'I was afraid to be around all that TNT when I saw how short the fuse was!'----
