Today’s funny

[ItBeMe]

An elderly man goes into his doctors office for an annual physical. After a while, the doctor comes out and says, "I'm sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live."
"But Doctor," Bill replied, "I feel great. I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?"
After a moment the doctor said, "Well, you might start going down the street to that new health spa and take a mud bath every day."
Excitedly Bill asked, "And that will cure me?"
"No," replied the doctor, "but it will get you used to the dirt.".......

 

[MacTavish]

LMFAO

 

[SAR 6114]

D,JD!!! Bwahahahahaha!!!!!

 

[Sowega86]

"My wife is such a romantic, the other day she sent me a text that read,

“If you’re sleeping, send me a dream...”

Then a few moments later another that said,

“If you’re laughing, send me a smile...”

This went on for a bit,

“If you’re eating, send me a bite...”

“If you’re drinking, send me a sip...”

“If you’re crying, send me your tears... I love you!”

Knowing she was likely seeking some kind of response, I replied,

“On the toilet, please advise...”

 

[BDR1]

Old couple sitting at their breakfast table on their 70Rj ANNIVERSARY
The old lady looks across the table and says HONEY MY NIPPLES ARE AS HOT FOR YOU TODAY SS THEY WERE 70 yrs AGO
old man looks at her says
WELL THEY SHOULD BE
ONE IS IN YOUR COFFEE AND ONE IS IN YOUR OATMEAL

 

[basstracker89]

"My wife is such a romantic, the other day she sent me a text that read,

“If you’re sleeping, send me a dream...”

Then a few moments later another that said,

“If you’re laughing, send me a smile...”

This went on for a bit,

“If you’re eating, send me a bite...”

“If you’re drinking, send me a sip...”

“If you’re crying, send me your tears... I love you!”

Knowing she was likely seeking some kind of response, I replied,

“On the toilet, please advise...”

Just remember she will give you 10x what you sent her......