Dealing with teenage step kids?

[Mtber1172]

My stepson has moved back in with us after living with his adopted father for the past 3 years (Dad let him run wild)

Quick rundown:

17 y.o.
Doing crappy in school
Found weed in his room
Found booze hidden in the basement
Complains constantly about anything and everything in the house
Calls his mom by her first name (probably not a big deal to most, but I grew up where if that happened, my dad would have knocked out my teeth)
So far no plans for college, military, etc after graduating (currently doesn't even work)
Doesn't lift a finger around the house
Ask him about his grades and he says "It's none of your business. You're not my parent"

It's becoming a huge issue with me and the wife. She says I need to be "more understanding and caring" because he's "had a tough life".

The icing on the **** cake came this afternoon:

I got off work early today and came home to find him and his buddies having a mini house party, I lost my **** and basically ransacked his room, dumped everything out in the floor and confiscated weed pipes and a couple of half empty bottles of liquor that "were his friends, not his". He decided to bow up, which was a huge mistake on his part... he landed on his ass and then bolted out of the house saying if he comes back, he's going to kill me.

It's like a ****in' Jerry Springer episode around here now and it's driving me up the ****ing wall. This house was peaceful and things were running smoothly with just me, her and our 2 youngest. Now things have completely turned upside down....and he's only been here 2 weeks.

Any of you guys ever had to deal with an out of control step child? I'm almost to the point where I'm ready to call the police and let them have a word or two with him, but my wife continues to pussify him and enable him and says if I do that, he'll run away for good.

I have no idea what to do.

 

[Fatal_Bert]

Divorce !!!

 

[Mtber1172]

Divorce !!!

LOL! I shouldn't laugh, but that option would be perfect if I didn't have 2 small children with her.

And like I said, this house and our marriage were going great until he showed up at the door one day. Now the house is in disarray, there's constant interruption and it's tense. He was never like this when he would come on the weekends to visit. I have no idea what has changed.

 

[spar1790]

bust his ass or call the law on a friday "so he can sit there for the weekend". Let them take him to jail as a minor. It will be off his permanent record later in life. Find a way to show him your house your rules! No offense to your wife, but if she keeps sticking up for him, especially in front of you, he will never have any respect for you. ZERO TOLERANCE!!

 

[Lockout]

One thing I can tell you is YOU have no right as a step father to slap nor hit another mans child.I can say this as I have kids and if another would have done this it would be on from a father to father stand point.I can tell you though it is very hard for you and you need to work this out with the wife and the father "if there is one".
I will respect another man if he called me and explain what happen but if that man doesn't contact me and puts his hands on my child,well it would land me in jail.Sounds like you and the wife needs to work some things out and if can't you need to explain what you can or can't do.This kind of things leads to divorce for sure and depends what kind of patience you have as a man.Good luck as you will need it!!!!

 

[Lockout]

bust his ass or call the law on a friday "so he can sit there for the weekend". Let them take him to jail as a minor. It will be off his permanent record later in life. Find a way to show him your house your rules! No offense to your wife, but if she keeps sticking up for him, especially in front of you, he will never have any respect for you. ZERO TOLERANCE!!

He the step dad puts his hands on this kid, could land him in the slammer on a Friday!!! And it would be on his recorded for life.

 

[Badger]

bust his ass or call the law on a friday "so he can sit there for the weekend". Let them take him to jail as a minor. It will be off his permanent record later in life. Find a way to show him your house your rules! No offense to your wife, but if she keeps sticking up for him, especially in front of you, he will never have any respect for you.

Age 17 in Georgia is not considered a minor under the criminal statutes...He goes to jail, he goes as an adult.

 

[db366]

Coming from the other side of it he might need a friend more than a father figure. My step dad used to be the **** out of me, my mom would take up for him. Imo if you came into the picture this late in life your best bet is to try and be a friend and role model instead of the boss. Obviously you can't let him keep doing what he's doing I'd let his mom discipline and you try to relate if you can.

 

[graybeard]

Divorce !!!

I'm not saying it's impossible but it would take a lot of hard work on both your parts not to have things end up like this.

Basically, your wife would have to adopt the Biblical position that her first relationship responsibility is to you, not her son. There's not much you can do to force that; she'll either come around to it or not. It's a rare woman who will not take her flesh and blood offspring over her husband.

I'm sorry and my thoughts and prayers go out to you and the family.

 

[inkdaddy]

Boot his ass out of the house!!........He will eventually cause something bad to happen that you will not be able to fix. He needs to man up and go live on his own somewhere.......He has had a a tough life because he chose too. Way too many young adults that have had it 1000 times worse and grew up being model citizens........he is heading for jail. or keep his weed, call the cops, have him arrested. You can sign a warrant on him....they will hook him up and carry his sorry ass off to jail.