The wife told me, so I know it’s true. We’ve been together near 30 years, and she says she’s heard all my stupid jokes. I caught her this morning finishing a joke for me, so it must be true. HELP…..
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I need new jokes…
- Thread starter geezer
- Start date
here is one ! my dick has grown by 2” since my prostate surgery!
Here’s one Wild Bill, when you go pee, the joke is in your hand…..
What’d the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?
Wiped.
You’re welcome.
Wiped.
You’re welcome.
Thanks to a Medicare discount, I was eligible for a lifetime supply of Viagra.
Came in today.
Dunno what I'm going to do with five whole pills...
Came in today.
Dunno what I'm going to do with five whole pills...
What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? There's skid marks in front of the snake...
First of all let me congratulate you that you and your wife still talk that much. I will say to my wife “ do you know “ and she will say “in the closet beside your tennis shoes”. Or, “do you rem” to which she will respond “of course I do, you were a real jerk”. Conversation becomes largely unnecessary at some point in a marriage.
i used to work with a good ole boy from Alabama (you can insert whatever ethnic and gender you wish here, I use the good ole boy from Alabama because white males are a totally unprotected group and being from Alabama makes this story believable). he was apparently allergic to some of the chemicals we used, he developed a terrible rash so he went to the company nurse. The nurse told him to stay away from the particular chemical that seemed bothersome and gave him some Calamine . He went back several days later and told her his rash was no better and on top of that he was terribly constipated. She asked if he had used the Calamine, he responded yes, he had drank the entire bottle. The nurse gave him another bottle, explaining carefully the proper use and some suppositories for the constipation. The next week he was back, happy to report the rash was gone. “ but I’m still constipated, those big pills tasted awful and for all the good they did I might as well have shoved them up my butt”.
i used to work with a good ole boy from Alabama (you can insert whatever ethnic and gender you wish here, I use the good ole boy from Alabama because white males are a totally unprotected group and being from Alabama makes this story believable). he was apparently allergic to some of the chemicals we used, he developed a terrible rash so he went to the company nurse. The nurse told him to stay away from the particular chemical that seemed bothersome and gave him some Calamine . He went back several days later and told her his rash was no better and on top of that he was terribly constipated. She asked if he had used the Calamine, he responded yes, he had drank the entire bottle. The nurse gave him another bottle, explaining carefully the proper use and some suppositories for the constipation. The next week he was back, happy to report the rash was gone. “ but I’m still constipated, those big pills tasted awful and for all the good they did I might as well have shoved them up my butt”.
An Alabama man came home to find his girlfriend crying her eyes out. He asked her what’s wrong…?
She says “you’re a dang pedophile!”
He says “honey, that’s a mighty big word for a 9 year old to be throwing around.”
She says “you’re a dang pedophile!”
He says “honey, that’s a mighty big word for a 9 year old to be throwing around.”
Father and son go fishing
After an hour fishing, dad cracks open a beer. Little boy looks up at his dad with wonder and asks for a sip. Dad says "Well Son, that depends. Can your dick reach your asshole?"
Little boy says "No."
Dad tells him "Some day it will. That's the day you can have a beer." And the two continue fishing.
Dad lights up a smoke and little boy looks up at his dad with wonder and asks if he can try the cigarette. "Well Son, can your dick reach your asshole yet "
Little boy glances down sheepishly and says "Not yet, Dad."
"Some day it will, Son. That's the day you can have a cigarette." And they get back to fishing.
Little boy pulls out some cookies mom made and Dad asks if he can have one. "Well Dad, that depends. Can your dick reach YOUR asshole?"
"Yes Son, it sure can."
"Good. Then go **** yourself, these are mine."
After an hour fishing, dad cracks open a beer. Little boy looks up at his dad with wonder and asks for a sip. Dad says "Well Son, that depends. Can your dick reach your asshole?"
Little boy says "No."
Dad tells him "Some day it will. That's the day you can have a beer." And the two continue fishing.
Dad lights up a smoke and little boy looks up at his dad with wonder and asks if he can try the cigarette. "Well Son, can your dick reach your asshole yet "
Little boy glances down sheepishly and says "Not yet, Dad."
"Some day it will, Son. That's the day you can have a cigarette." And they get back to fishing.
Little boy pulls out some cookies mom made and Dad asks if he can have one. "Well Dad, that depends. Can your dick reach YOUR asshole?"
"Yes Son, it sure can."
"Good. Then go **** yourself, these are mine."
