How about "i cant get out, you get in!!!!"
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things you really want to say to a policeman OR funny smart #&* answers
- Thread starter jamesthemechanic
- Start date
Police: "Why were you speeding"
Me: "My wife just left me for a police officer, so when I seen you, I thought you were trying to bring her back."
Me: "My wife just left me for a police officer, so when I seen you, I thought you were trying to bring her back."
Two true stories:
I was driving home from college to go back home for the weekend late one night. Speeding like crazy - driving on rural highway I had known my whole life. Missouri Highway Patrolman comes up behind. Had not hit his lights...just got on my bumper. I'm off the really rural part of the highway, so I had slowed down to something like 70 mph - speed limit 55. I can't tell that he's Highway Patrol, so I speed up...then he guns me and I'm toast.
I pull over immediately, put my hand on the wheel and wait for him to come up.
Patrolman: Son, I've been chasing you for twenty miles. Do you know how fast you were going?
Me: Not real sure, sir. Pretty fast.
Patrolman: Where were you going so fast?
Me: Home to see my parents, sir. (he had me get out, get my wallet out of the laundry basket I had in my trunk)
Patrolman: Would you like me to tell you how fast you were going?
Me: No sir, not necessary.
Patrolman: I've got to write you a ticket. Would you like to know what I'm going to write it for?
Me: No sir, I'll leave that up to you. I trust your judgment.
He wrote me a ticket for 71 mph and said "I'm going to write you a ticket for 71 MPH. Does that sound good to you?" and I said "Whatever you say, sir. Thank you."...71 mph was one mile per hour under the limit that would have forced me to make a court appearance...and the fine would have gone up a ton. He did me a huge favor just because I threw in the towel quick.
Second story and slightly more humorous on my response to the police officer:
Driving home from girlfriend's house late one night at college. Had not been drinking, nothing. Not speeding - taking it slow because the police were always out around the campus looking for excuses to give people tickets at that time of night. Sure enough, a cop starts tailing me - he's right on my butt, so I slow way down below the speed limit so he has no excuse to give me any grief...and he keeps getting even closer to my butt Am pulling into the alley that leads to my apartment, he hits his lights and pulls me over. I open the door so he can see in, put my hand on the wheel and let him come up to the car.
Local police: What have you been doing tonight.
Me: Hanging out at my girlfriend's place.
Local police: Have you been drinking?
Me: No.
Local police: So why were you going so slow?
Me: Because you were on my ass.
He got the point and let me go immediately.
I was driving home from college to go back home for the weekend late one night. Speeding like crazy - driving on rural highway I had known my whole life. Missouri Highway Patrolman comes up behind. Had not hit his lights...just got on my bumper. I'm off the really rural part of the highway, so I had slowed down to something like 70 mph - speed limit 55. I can't tell that he's Highway Patrol, so I speed up...then he guns me and I'm toast.
I pull over immediately, put my hand on the wheel and wait for him to come up.
Patrolman: Son, I've been chasing you for twenty miles. Do you know how fast you were going?
Me: Not real sure, sir. Pretty fast.
Patrolman: Where were you going so fast?
Me: Home to see my parents, sir. (he had me get out, get my wallet out of the laundry basket I had in my trunk)
Patrolman: Would you like me to tell you how fast you were going?
Me: No sir, not necessary.
Patrolman: I've got to write you a ticket. Would you like to know what I'm going to write it for?
Me: No sir, I'll leave that up to you. I trust your judgment.
He wrote me a ticket for 71 mph and said "I'm going to write you a ticket for 71 MPH. Does that sound good to you?" and I said "Whatever you say, sir. Thank you."...71 mph was one mile per hour under the limit that would have forced me to make a court appearance...and the fine would have gone up a ton. He did me a huge favor just because I threw in the towel quick.
Second story and slightly more humorous on my response to the police officer:
Driving home from girlfriend's house late one night at college. Had not been drinking, nothing. Not speeding - taking it slow because the police were always out around the campus looking for excuses to give people tickets at that time of night. Sure enough, a cop starts tailing me - he's right on my butt, so I slow way down below the speed limit so he has no excuse to give me any grief...and he keeps getting even closer to my butt Am pulling into the alley that leads to my apartment, he hits his lights and pulls me over. I open the door so he can see in, put my hand on the wheel and let him come up to the car.
Local police: What have you been doing tonight.
Me: Hanging out at my girlfriend's place.
Local police: Have you been drinking?
Me: No.
Local police: So why were you going so slow?
Me: Because you were on my ass.
He got the point and let me go immediately.
Last edited:
ALWAYS a good policy.
Never say: "You're not going to look in the trunk, are ya?"
I got tagged in the City of Auburn back in may for 56 in a 35, I threw in the towel too with no arguing and was being respectful. Got me no where
but 21mph over the limit and 220.00 fine. Thank goodness for No-lo contendre. 
Back in the day when radar detectors were so popular- i was chugging down a state road doing about 65 in a 55 when my detector starts whistling away..it's about 5 am..dark.. i reach up and pat the thing- thinking it's screwed up --about the same time I see the lights.
He has to turn around, but I just pull over and wait. I grab the radar detector and stick it under my seat. Officer walks up and says "I guess you knew I had you"..and I say, "yessir- didn't realize how fast i was going until i saw you, sir".. he has no ticket book out,, no clipboard.. looks at my license--when suddenly - from under my seat... the radar detector starts going nuts.. he smiles - and says,,"I'll be right back".. got my ticket then--
He has to turn around, but I just pull over and wait. I grab the radar detector and stick it under my seat. Officer walks up and says "I guess you knew I had you"..and I say, "yessir- didn't realize how fast i was going until i saw you, sir".. he has no ticket book out,, no clipboard.. looks at my license--when suddenly - from under my seat... the radar detector starts going nuts.. he smiles - and says,,"I'll be right back".. got my ticket then--
Back in the 80's a state trooper stops me for speeding, something like 75 mph on rural state hwy. The wind was blowing real hard and he gets out of his car and as usual he's preaching and writing at the same time charging me with speeding. After he finishes writing he hands me his clip board and tell me to sign, I tell him I can't sign his ticket since it was an illegal stop and he asked me why? I tell him the ticket is no good since he was'nt in uniform, he'd gotten out of his patrol car and with the wind blowing so hard he decided to leave his "Smokey the Bear" hat inside to keep it from blowing off, which is part of his uniform so therefore he was out of uniform. he smiled, wrote VOID on the ticket, said for me to slow it down and have a good day. He knew I was right, he was out of uniform. His camera was on !!
Before the wife and kids I used to drive what some people would call excessively fast. When I got pulled over I knew I was busted and the troopers typically asked one of two questions,
1. Trooper Do you know how fast you were going Me, No sir my speedometer only goes to 85, what did you clock me at? All but one trooper lowered the speed down below the cutoff for mandatory court appearance
2. Trooper What's your hurry. Me, No hurry, I drive like this all the time, I just slipped up and got caught. Had a trooper go off on me one time after saying this.
He said this wasn't a race track it was his road and I had no right to be driving that fast on his road, he could throw my ass in jail for driving like that on his road, the guy just kept going on and on about me driving fast on "his" road.
After he was done I asked him if his dash cam was on, he said what does it matter to you. I told him I'm sure the judge was going to love seeing him lecture me about driving on his road in court. Got a warning ticket instead.
1. Trooper Do you know how fast you were going Me, No sir my speedometer only goes to 85, what did you clock me at? All but one trooper lowered the speed down below the cutoff for mandatory court appearance
2. Trooper What's your hurry. Me, No hurry, I drive like this all the time, I just slipped up and got caught. Had a trooper go off on me one time after saying this.
He said this wasn't a race track it was his road and I had no right to be driving that fast on his road, he could throw my ass in jail for driving like that on his road, the guy just kept going on and on about me driving fast on "his" road.
After he was done I asked him if his dash cam was on, he said what does it matter to you. I told him I'm sure the judge was going to love seeing him lecture me about driving on his road in court. Got a warning ticket instead.
