Holy damn, this little nugget floored me:
The sheer amount of stupidity in those sentences is astounding!
"...and then we realized that the guns don't kill, and the bullets don't kill, it is the trigger finger that pulls the trigger that kills. In a sensible response we have decided to confiscate all trigger fingers, this of course is mandatory. Just go down to your local police station/medical unit where we will surgically remove your trigger finger and give you $50 in a program we call 'finger buy back.' Now we will need to start a new unit up to monitor surgeons' offices to look out for black market fingers and finger transplants but we feel the use of more police resources on this is well worth it if it saves one child's life. So as soon as you can come down and give us the finger..."