Getting a Divorce ... any Advice?

[TresMonos]

My best advice.....no matter how amicable it is now, do NOT discuss the divorce in an online gun forum that she is aware that you have an account on.

That and, the above advice is valid until she marries again.

 

[Gingerbeard Man]

My best advice.....no matter how amicable it is now, do NOT discuss the divorce in an online gun forum that she is aware that you have an account on.

That and, the above advice is valid until she marries again.

Although I'd tend to agree, nothing said so far has been anything but neutral and the advice given works for both sides really.

 

[optimist]

Currently living separated. We have kids 8, 6, 4.

I've hated where with live, the people we hang out with, the values we are instilling in our kids for quite some time now. I wanted to move to the mountains, but we are settling for the northern suburbs as she wants to stay around the rich neo lib hypocrites here in the city. She has done nothing to accommodate my desires for change, nor even given me an outlet (I was ready to buy undeveloped mountain property 5 years ago). We have already filed and are currently living separated.

Trying to be unbiased and understand it takes two to create and terminate a partnership … the reality is our values have gone into complete opposite directions and they have reached the breaking point over how we raise our kids and the lifestyles we live.

We are dividing the assets and plan to go 50/50 joint custody. We both have lawyers but trying to work things ourselves to keep those costs down. The biggest thing is who is in charge of education, as that determines where we live. I've been playing my cards right and have made it economically infeasible to stay where we currently are, but we ain't moving out close to as far as I want.

Any advice on how to move on? I'm much happier knowing I will have a future that will allow me to live a life closer to my values. But being alone is scary. Going through the process is scary.

Your concern for her will ruin your reasoning an the lawyers will agitate the situation ....good luck

 

[Raptorman]

My ex wife told me I'd wind up miserable and alone when she divorced me for catching her cheating.

The solitude that was so frightening in my youth is delicious in my maturity.

 

[reklawd]

Recommend you focus all of your energy on creating the best possible environment for your kids: Best possible education, safest neighborhood, maximum support for their wants, needs, and interests. Plan on your life (and your soon to be X's life) taking a back seat in everything, in favor of the kids.

That means it could be a decade and a half before you get to focus on your wants and needs. I think you should internalize that idea as the cost of not being able to stay married while having brought kids into the world.

Your X will eventually find someone to share her life with. So will you. Those are hard events for a divorced family. It's hard on the kids. Consider delaying new romance for a while, again, to focus on the kids.

Work. Earn money. Pay for what your kids need. Use whatever free time you have to enrich your kids' lives. Try not to be bitter about it.

My dad said to me "I saw this coming, and the only way I would ever be disappointed in you is if you did not put the kids first for the next decade." He honestly did that for me as he was a great, unselfish father ... even with his many flaws, so I know his is 100% correct.

 

[reklawd]

My best advice.....no matter how amicable it is now, do NOT discuss the divorce in an online gun forum that she is aware that you have an account on.

That and, the above advice is valid until she marries again.

She has already aired all of our dirty laundry (her half truth) online in Facebook groups and with some of our close friends. Even with our closest friends I have not told my side of the story as no good will come of it as it will only alienate our children further. But your advice is sound and I will continue to take the high road and watch how I communicate about it.

 

[OttoMan]

It is pretty crazy how they lose all empathy for you once they have decided. Hell hath no wrath

Everything I do now is in the best interest of the kids. I was already a pretty good father, but damn have I turned it up to a 10. They didn't ask for any of this.

Same happened to me. I even knelt begging for us to stay together ; she looked at me and said “I do not have space for you in my life anymore!” And she started enjoying her f****g wild life. - Don’t get me wrong, over the years, we became friends, because grankids, parties, graduations, etc, and I have my new wife now for 12 years, and things settled down. And believe me, she regrets to her soul…. Because after trying so many guys, she is alone today.

 

[rOmiLaYu]

This ruined my day, man. Sorry. Sounds like you've got your head on straight about it, though. Godspeed and good luck.

 

[OttoMan]

This ruined my day, man. Sorry. Sounds like you've got your head on straight about it, though. Godspeed and good luck.

I agree Brother.
This brought back all my sufferings. And I feel sad for our brother reklawd here.
Eventually, it will settle down… with her bashing him and telling her side of the story… Which most of the “gossipers” will believe (that happened to me, I had to even change Church….)

 

[sewerman68]

As someone who stayed in a miserable marriage for 23 years "for the kids" I can say I'm glad you're getting out now. The sooner the better. Unhappy parents make stressed, unhappy kids. If "friends" are picking sides they aren't your friends. Don't even engage. Look at this as a second chance to build a happy, healthy life. It's going to have its ****ty moments for a minute, but as soon as its done you aren't going to believe how happy you're going to be. Good luck