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I’ve been banned from the local supermarket.....

Dingo

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Navigating the space time continuum
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Yesterday I was at my local supermarket buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.
I'm now banned.
 
Many many years ago my dad was in the checkout line behind this old woman who was asking question after question about their dog food brands. "Does this have wheat? My dog won't eat that. Does this one have pork? Oh, my dog won't eat that." After this went on for a little while my dad got impatient and told the lady "Ma'am, you just need to feed your dog what I feed mine". She turned around all intrigued and said "what's that?". He said "feed him potatoe peels". The lady turned up her nose and said "My dog won't eat potatoe peels!" My dad said "Yeah, neither did mine for the first week". She got pissed and left.
 
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