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So what do I do with this baby raccoon?

Hire someone from ODT to show up in an official uniform from “raccoon rehab” and take him for you? Kids won’t know any better
Kids are fine with getting him to a rescue place. They're at mawmaw's house for a couple days anyway. I'm just here feeding and pooping a baby coon.
 
Yes but I’m bad at names and knowing what I would name a raccoon.... I can just imagine what my neighbors would think if I went outside and started calling for it. But if I still lived on my land I would consider it.but I’m suburban joe until I get me some more
His name is Squeakers so got you covered there
 
Ellijay Wildlife Rehab Sanctuary 706-276-2980
They take in injured and orphaned animals, rehab them then release them back into the wild when they can fend for themselves.

If you can't get it to a rehab today:

It needs a little hydration....eye dropper with water(room temp), just one drop at a time, too much at once and you can actually drown it.
If you don't have an eyedropper handy , you can wet down a wash cloth and twist a little to get a little tip on that it can nibble on....
Keep it on the heat pad, little guys like that need to be warm constantly..
They need to eat about 2-3 hours, you can get animal formula at Tractor Supply, again use eye dropper , one drop at a time.....
Bad phone number, just like every DNR card I have. Disconnected
 
So apparently with some training they love guns and have quite the smartassed little mouth. Sounds like a match made in Heaven with you two.

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