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A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters". The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the dune where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice once again calls out: "One Marine is better than one hundred Isis fighters." Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The voice calls out again: "One Marine is better than one thousand Isis fighters." The enraged Isis commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought .... Then silence.
Eventually one badly wounded Isis fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men... it's a trap. There's two of them.
The voice once again calls out: "One Marine is better than one hundred Isis fighters." Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The voice calls out again: "One Marine is better than one thousand Isis fighters." The enraged Isis commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought .... Then silence.
Eventually one badly wounded Isis fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men... it's a trap. There's two of them.
here it is... Your Yearly Dementia Test (only 4 questions)
Yep, it's that time of year again for us to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Here is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to your last test. Some may think it is too easy, but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.
Take this test to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
#1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast', just give up now and go do something else. And, try not to hurt yourself.
If you said, bread, go to Question #2.
# 2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is already over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Women's Weekly or Auto World. However, if you did say 'water', proceed to Question #3.
# 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks,what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.
If you said 'green bricks', why are you still reading this???
PLEASE, go lie down!
But, if you said 'glass,' go on to Question #4.
# 4. Do not use a calculator for this:
You are driving a bus from New York City to Philadelphia.
In Staten Island, 17 people got on the bus.
In New Brunswick, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Windsor, 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Trenton, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Bristol, 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
And, in Camden, 6 people get off and 3 get on.
You then arrive at Philadelphia Station.
Without going back to review, how old is the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own age?!?! It was YOU driving the bus!
If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.
PS: If it makes you feel better, 95% of people fail most of the questions!
Yep, it's that time of year again for us to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Here is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to your last test. Some may think it is too easy, but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.
Take this test to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
#1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast', just give up now and go do something else. And, try not to hurt yourself.
If you said, bread, go to Question #2.
# 2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is already over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Women's Weekly or Auto World. However, if you did say 'water', proceed to Question #3.
# 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks,what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.
If you said 'green bricks', why are you still reading this???
PLEASE, go lie down!
But, if you said 'glass,' go on to Question #4.
# 4. Do not use a calculator for this:
You are driving a bus from New York City to Philadelphia.
In Staten Island, 17 people got on the bus.
In New Brunswick, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Windsor, 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Trenton, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Bristol, 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
And, in Camden, 6 people get off and 3 get on.
You then arrive at Philadelphia Station.
Without going back to review, how old is the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own age?!?! It was YOU driving the bus!
If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.
PS: If it makes you feel better, 95% of people fail most of the questions!
A young girl from Donegal left home to find work in the bright lights of London. She came home 6 months later and stepped out of a taxi wearing a full-length mink coat.
"Begorrah, Colleen," said her mother, "Tis a lovely soft coat yer wearin' an' it looks so expensive. Where did ye get that?"
Colleen replied, "Sure now, I won it at the bingo. Don't they have wonderful prizes in London."
When the weekend was over, Colleen returned to the bright lights, but she came back to visit her mum a few months later. This time, when she stepped out of the taxi, she was wearing a beautiful gold wristwatch and a large diamond ring.
With the usual exchange with mum............"Won it at bingo!"
Then Colleen returned to the bright lights again. A few months later, she was back again. And this time she was sporting a beautiful emerald diamond necklace with matching bracelet and earrings. She handed her mother £1,000 and explained that she won it all in bingo. Then she asked mum to run her a bath as she needed to freshen up.
Her mum ran the bath while Colleen got undressed but when she got to the bathroom, there was only a quarter of an inch of hot water in the bath. Colleen, a wee bit peeved at her mum being so mean with the hot water after being handed £1,000, called downstairs, "Mum! Sure now didn't I ask you to run me a bath? There's only a quarter of an inch of water in here!"
"Indeed there is, me darlin" replied her mum, "But we don't want ye gettin' yer bingo card soggy now, do we?"
"Begorrah, Colleen," said her mother, "Tis a lovely soft coat yer wearin' an' it looks so expensive. Where did ye get that?"
Colleen replied, "Sure now, I won it at the bingo. Don't they have wonderful prizes in London."
When the weekend was over, Colleen returned to the bright lights, but she came back to visit her mum a few months later. This time, when she stepped out of the taxi, she was wearing a beautiful gold wristwatch and a large diamond ring.
With the usual exchange with mum............"Won it at bingo!"
Then Colleen returned to the bright lights again. A few months later, she was back again. And this time she was sporting a beautiful emerald diamond necklace with matching bracelet and earrings. She handed her mother £1,000 and explained that she won it all in bingo. Then she asked mum to run her a bath as she needed to freshen up.
Her mum ran the bath while Colleen got undressed but when she got to the bathroom, there was only a quarter of an inch of hot water in the bath. Colleen, a wee bit peeved at her mum being so mean with the hot water after being handed £1,000, called downstairs, "Mum! Sure now didn't I ask you to run me a bath? There's only a quarter of an inch of water in here!"
"Indeed there is, me darlin" replied her mum, "But we don't want ye gettin' yer bingo card soggy now, do we?"
Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren't ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be."
"Great!" said the first guy, "I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!"
"No problem," replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. "And what do you want to be," St. Peter asked the other guy.
"I'd like to be one cool stud!" was the reply.
"Easy," replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone.
After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back.
"You'll find them easily," he says, "One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!"
"Great!" said the first guy, "I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!"
"No problem," replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. "And what do you want to be," St. Peter asked the other guy.
"I'd like to be one cool stud!" was the reply.
"Easy," replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone.
After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back.
"You'll find them easily," he says, "One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!"
There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his sheep. As the farmer castrated the sheep, the French farm hand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash.
"No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!" The farm hand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper.
This went on for three days....and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper. On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper. He asked his wife where the farm hand was and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries and he ran like hell!"
"No!" yelled the farmer, "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries!" The farm hand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them up for supper.
This went on for three days....and each evening they had Sheep Fries for supper. On the fourth night the farmer came in to the house for supper. He asked his wife where the farm hand was and she replied, "It's the strangest thing! When he came in and asked what was for supper, I told him French Fries and he ran like hell!"
Lol! Now that’s funny!
Bahahaha!
After a few beers at the bar a man goes to relieve himself at a urinal. As he starts some water splashes on him and he exclaims "man that waters cold!" The guy at the next urinal says " and deep too!"
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried a creative defense to get his client off the hook. "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few paltry items. His arm is not himself, so I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed solely by his arm."
"Well put," the judge replied with a grin. "Using that same logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. Your client can accompany the arm or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's help, he detatched his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out.
"Well put," the judge replied with a grin. "Using that same logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. Your client can accompany the arm or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's help, he detatched his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out.
