What useful skills do you have for after TSHTF?

[Grayhawk845]

If you're a lefty and close enough you can borrow mine.

 

[chopper duke]

I thought of another one, biting out the throats of my enemies.

 

[bearpugh]

flying nub scissors.

 

[jaybees]

I can plow the fields all day long.
I can catch catfish from dusk till dawn.

Make my own whiskey and my own smoke too.
Ain't too many things this ol' boy can't do.

 

[Springfield 1911]

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400.
My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA.
I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid.
On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.
I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
In a SHTF scenario, my mere presence would make you feel as though society has reached it's pinnacle.

Now you have this internet thing figured out I think.

 

[GAGunguy]

I'm a good dancer,


not really.

 

[SOLGardener]

I can make a$$ wipe.. you know, for the S- to get it off the F.

Who wants to have a cool breeze from a F when it's covered with S. Ya can't just leave it like that!

I'm pretty good at sowing derision

I'm good a swatting flies, not so good with carpenter bees (stitches-long story)

Good at leading the blind. They're funny when they fall.

 

[Mentos]

oh i forgot i can bring more copious sarcasm to this thread too.

 

[Ghost941]

I'm extraordinarily talented at coitus.

 

[Cobalt 60]

I'm extraordinarily talented at coitus.

Don't believe everything your mama tells you.





Sorry man - just popped into my head and had to come out!