Getting a Divorce ... any Advice?

[rOmiLaYu]

This right here is the hardest part for me. How am I supposed to guide them towards my values without somewhat disparaging her values?

Ultimately, you can't...and you're right; that's going to be the hardest part. Promote your values, don't address hers and let your kids decide. Ultimately they will anyways...and if you're the one who's only talking about you and your values and not spending airtime shouting down someone else's, that's going to get noticed. Sell me on you for being you, not for not being someone else.

 

[TresMonos]

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That, right there,,,,,is what the good Lord sent you to give you purpose and strength....

Godspeed and good fortune in your new life.

 

[cr107]

In the same boat man, except mine decided she likes the vag more. 8 years gone, doing whats best for my kids is all I Can do.

 

[William A. Ellis]

When I got my divorce, it was painful. After the divorce was done, it felt like someone took their foot off my throat. I remarried, and had 32 good years before my new wife passed away. There is hope, just have to find the right person. I got lucky.

 

[Lionheart]

Beware of the “rebound” relationship. Don’t date women you meet in bars. One night stands only if you must.
Much better for you and your children if you keep another woman out of their lives for at least a long adjustment period.
When you are ready for another relationship think divorce recovery class in church, not bar scene.

 

[streetroc]

I've seen many of your other posts about this subject and man, I feel for you. And I don't mean this in any way other than in humble honesty; I hate it, for you, that you paint all women with such a broad brush. I think it really limits the kind of relationships you're able to cultivate. Best of luck to you, but if I could offer some completely unsolicited advice, it may be your mindset about them that influences how they feel about you far more than your height or physique. But, to each according to their tastes.

Not all women are like that but the majority of them are. My mother is certainly an exception. Her and my dad have been married for almost 40 years and they have the most beautiful relationship that I have ever seen. I hope to have that someday, I really do. I certainly don't discuss these topics on dates and I don't judge an individual girl by the actions of a different girl. I sincerely want to find a woman that I can love and respect and when I do I will never look at another woman again. I want to find the mother of my future children and I haven't given up hope that she is out there somewhere. I can't ignore truth and reality though.

I make these posts when I see a man heartbroken and in pain like our infamous OP. I have been there. I have been cheated on and broken up with. I know that one of the hardest parts about it is feeling betrayed not only by that woman but by realizing that the understanding you thought you had about women does not align with reality. If I can help other guys understand the truth about female nature I might just be able to help them make sense of their pain. I've had two friends kill themselves over women that left them. I want to do my best to help other men understand women so that they won't end up the same way.

I didn't come up with all of these ideas on my own. Going through my own pain and heartache led me to authors like Jordan Peterson, Rollo Tomassi, and Gad Saad. I've studied it from the female perspective from authors like Suzanne Venker and Camille Paglia. By looking at the facts and the data I've been able to make sense of my past relationships and where they went wrong.

Like all of us who have experienced a rough breakup, reklawd is going through hell right now and there is nothing that I can do to fix it for him. However I can help him understand why women are the way they are and at least then he might be able to make sense of his pain.

 

[DADI03]

This right here is the hardest part for me. How am I supposed to guide them towards my values without somewhat disparaging her values?

This is especially the case when her values are the fun, spoiled, consumerist, let them do what they want type values while mine are the structured, hard work, dedication, focus on nature and God type values. I'm still fun as hell - my wife has called me a "big kid" and all of the kids in the neighborhood would say that I'm their favorite adult because I actually spend time with them and play. But I while I let them have fun I also have expectations of them in an effort to mold them into wholistic people with godly values.

To a irrational and illogical adolescent and teenager they are going to pick fun Mom over structured Dad. I feel like this is going to be a long game with a lot of tough years coming up.

You can only do so much. Peoples true colors shine through eventually. Be the bigger man and it will shine through. It might not happen when or as fast as you would like to see it but it will happen. Kids have to have structure, and it's really showing these days. There are even kids who were raised with minimal structure and they are unhappy about it. They are unhappy with where they are in life and see how they got there. There is a balance between structure and fun. That line is very broad and different for every child. If you do things with your kids they will look up to you even in your structure. You will ALWAYS be there dad. Don't quit on them now. Fight hard for them. And know that most of your fights will be draining and unseen in the moment. Unfortunately not much you can do about it at this point. The past is behind you, be strong for them and weak with your friends. It is ok for your kids to see you struggle so long as they see you grow from it and learn from it.

 

[DADI03]

Nat

Good to see you around. You stay on my prayers.

 

[InTune]

Women? Nobody understands a woman except another woman and they hate each other.

 

[lostchild]

.
No way I would put myself in a position to allow a stranger to move in with my (ex) wife, into my old home and watch him help to raise my 3 kids, plus my paying alimony and child support payments for the next 20 years.


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Tips on how to avoid that? (And stay out of jail)