Getting a Divorce ... any Advice?

[GeauxLSU]

Hate it for the kids but sounds like they have one staunch advocate. Not always the case. Keep doing that. The rest will take care of itself. Glad you're back at church. No problem He can't handle. Trust me on that.

 

[Gunanddoglover]

Currently living separated. We have kids 8, 6, 4.

I've hated where with live, the people we hang out with, the values we are instilling in our kids for quite some time now. I wanted to move to the mountains, but we are settling for the northern suburbs as she wants to stay around the rich neo lib hypocrites here in the city. She has done nothing to accommodate my desires for change, nor even given me an outlet (I was ready to buy undeveloped mountain property 5 years ago). We have already filed and are currently living separated.

Trying to be unbiased and understand it takes two to create and terminate a partnership … the reality is our values have gone into complete opposite directions and they have reached the breaking point over how we raise our kids and the lifestyles we live.

We are dividing the assets and plan to go 50/50 joint custody. We both have lawyers but trying to work things ourselves to keep those costs down. The biggest thing is who is in charge of education, as that determines where we live. I've been playing my cards right and have made it economically infeasible to stay where we currently are, but we ain't moving out close to as far as I want.

Any advice on how to move on? I'm much happier knowing I will have a future that will allow me to live a life closer to my values. But being alone is scary. Going through the process is scary.

Sorry man, been there done that. Tough at first but I'm much happier without the negativity and constant criticism in my life. Do what's best for the children, sounds like you are. Life goes on.

 

[BME013]

Sorry to hear brother. I understand your desire to live further out in the mountains but think about the kids and where they will attend school. Is it worth it to live in the mountains where you may have a 60-90 min drive in order to take the kids to school and pick them up. Is it worth it to force the kids to get up that early in order to get them to school on time. Just something to think about. I don’t know all your details but wish you the best. Everyone deserves to be happy.

 

[karlvv30]

Can I get her number? Too soon? Sorry to hear. I've been through it with kids. It sucks. You can pm me if you ever need an ear.

 

[Lionheart]

Been down the big D road myself and wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I have completed the training to be a court approved divorce mediator...did a few and it was so depressing I quit.
Between my personal experiences and professional training I might have a few tips that could help you navigate these troubled times.
I’ll give one here and be glad to be a shoulder if you pm me:
Yes, be there for the children. Spend more time with them.
But also make some time to take care of yourself. Get outside. Buy a new set of golf clubs.
Outdoor hobbies/nature are healing for the soul. Go hunting. Take your son.
Most of all connect with the Creator and allow Him to shoulder the burdens you can’t carry alone...
My prayers are with you DWALK.

 

[lostchild]

Sorry man, been there done that. Tough at first but I'm much happier without the negativity and constant criticism in my life. Do what's best for the children, sounds like you are. Life goes on.

Good advice here ^
You’ll be happy when the last child support check clears, something to look forward to.
And, speaking from experience, the first divorce is the hardest.

 

[Granite3]

Kids, kids,kids. Stay on the high road but fight for 50/50 custody. This includes decision making as well. We had a counselor who was empowered to split a tie.

 

[Glock 21]

Go get some strange she’s already found your replacement

 

[reklawd]

Thanks all - I will take y'all up on some of your advice and experience as needed.

I was unhappy with my marriage for a while now (even before joining here) and it was easy to get on the internet to vent (or troll) relative strangers as I was questioning my life's decisions. Something like this is definitely an existential crisis . Thank y'all for putting up with me for so long.

"See, I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves."

Also, my weight is down lower than it has been since my early 20's. The D is a hell of a diet. I'm finding other outlets for my mental and physical health. I recently took my oldest two girls on a week long vacation where we visited a friends homestead farm and hiked 22 miles together culminating in 4 miles on the Appalachian Trail.

 

[BH-ATL]

Sorry to hear this. Cute kids and I know it is rough on them too.