Joke time!!!! Gimme your best!!!

[dustind3366]

[h=2]L.A. Math test[/h]City of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Exam

Name:____________________
Gang:________________________

1. Duane has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?

2. If Jose has two ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?

3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?

4. Jarome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of Heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?

5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a 4x4. If he has stolen 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's, how many Chevy's will he have to steal to make $800?

6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If his common law wife is spending $100 per month, how much money will he have left when he gets out of prison and how many years will he get for killing her since she spent his money?

7. If the average spray paint can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can a tagger spray with 3 cans of paint?

8. Hector knocked up six girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What percentage of the girls in the gang has Hector knocked up?

 

[Baldilox]

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. ... The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. .

The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this...when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.

She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' .... I just lost it!

LMAO!

 

[dustind3366]

So I'm sitting on the bus in Tokyo riding to a show and the girl sitting across from me was sitting with her legs slightly spread. Trying not to stare, all I could think was, "don't get an erection, don't get an erection" and sure enough....she did.

 

[dustind3366]

If you had to choose between, staying with your wife forever, or, Bill Gates' money, what kind of gun would you buy first.

 

[Byte Stryke]

"My husband and i were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.

Because i didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, i explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother. A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away.

"Sorry it took so long but the stupid ***** was hiding under the bed and i had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so i grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard....she had better not **** in the vegetable garden again."

The silence in the taxi was deafening....."

 

[Swampbogger]

Whats the difference in a vitamin and a hormone...........you cant hear a vitamin.

 

[dustind3366]

I saw a big girl up dancing on a table lastnight. I walked up to her and said, "wow, great legs!"
She giggled and said, "wow, you really think so"
"Yeah, they must be, they should've collapsed by now."

 

[Bypass]

View attachment 225894

LOL

 

[8675309]

what did obamas daddy say the night barry was concieved?...where da white women at!

 

[Bellman2]

A Samuri warrior walks into a bar in San Fran, the bar tender asked, "What are you supposed to be". "Ah so, I number 3 swordsman All Nippon and snatches a fly from the air, tosses it back up , pulls his sword, swings, and two pieces of fly fall down. "Wow, that's great, said the bar tender. Later another warrior comes in and the bar tender asks, "Who are you?" Ah so I number 2 swordsman in Nippon and grabs a fly, tosses it up, pulls his sword, swings twice, and 4 pieces of fly fall. "terrific", said the bar tender Then another warrior walks in, the bar tender asks, "Well, who are you. Ah so I number 1 swords man ALL Nippon. He grabs a fly, tossed it into the air, pulls his sword, swings once, and the fly flies away. The bar tender laughs and says your not so great, the fly flew away. Ah so he may fry, but he no fr---