Look, when I make you breakfast in bed, I would prefer a thank you, not, "who the hell are you and how did you get in my house!?"
Joke time!!!! Gimme your best!!!
- Thread starter BLOODETTE23
- Start date
My wife asked me to take her to a place she had never been..SO I took her to the Kitchen...DD
Lately I've been on the Jameson diet. So far, I've lost 5 days, my wife, and my job.
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I had sex with an Ohmless person last night...
There was very little resistance.
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I had sex with an Ohmless person last night...
There was very little resistance.
I qualified for a Drag Racing competition last night.
All it took was a wig, a dress, and being pretty damn quick in stilettos.
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The wife quit speaking to me after I didn't open the car door for her. It's not my fault, I just freaked and swam as fast as I could to the surface.
All it took was a wig, a dress, and being pretty damn quick in stilettos.
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The wife quit speaking to me after I didn't open the car door for her. It's not my fault, I just freaked and swam as fast as I could to the surface.
Word
Do you know how copper wire was invented?
2 Jews fighting over a penny.
2 Jews fighting over a penny.
Chuck Norris Jokes:
Chuck Norris' daughter once lost her virginity....he went and got it back.
Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands....they're now known as "The Islands"
Chuck Norris used to practice his round house kicks in the Mojave Rainforest.
Chuck Norris secretly has sex with everyone in the world once per month. As a result, they bleed for a week.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you answered the wrong damn phone.
Chuck Norris can pick an orange out of an apple tree and make the best damn lemonade you've ever had.
Chuck Norris can win Iron Chef by microwaving 2 Ham n Cheese Hot Pockets.
Chuck Norris can walk on water and swim through land.
Chuck Norris laughs when he steps on Legos barefoot.
When Chuck Norris hit's his funny bone, he actually laughs.
Chuck Norris made Cher not believe in life after love.
Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes together.
When Chuck Norris uses the bathroom, he doesn't flush, he scares the **** out of it.
Chuck Norris' junk is so big, he uses Anacondoms.
Chuck Norris' daughter once lost her virginity....he went and got it back.
Chuck Norris once went to the Virgin Islands....they're now known as "The Islands"
Chuck Norris used to practice his round house kicks in the Mojave Rainforest.
Chuck Norris secretly has sex with everyone in the world once per month. As a result, they bleed for a week.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you answered the wrong damn phone.
Chuck Norris can pick an orange out of an apple tree and make the best damn lemonade you've ever had.
Chuck Norris can win Iron Chef by microwaving 2 Ham n Cheese Hot Pockets.
Chuck Norris can walk on water and swim through land.
Chuck Norris laughs when he steps on Legos barefoot.
When Chuck Norris hit's his funny bone, he actually laughs.
Chuck Norris made Cher not believe in life after love.
Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes together.
When Chuck Norris uses the bathroom, he doesn't flush, he scares the **** out of it.
Chuck Norris' junk is so big, he uses Anacondoms.
Chuck Norris can drift a horse.
A guy wearing a ski mask and carrying a pistol walked into a sperm bank. He walked up to the receptionist, pointed the gun at her and said "Take me to the vault!"
Fearing for her life, the woman led the man to the vault.
"Open it!" he said
Again, fearing for her life, she did as she was told and they walked inside.
"Pick up that sample vial" he ordered.
So she did.
"Now drink it!" he yelled.
"What!?" she asked
Putting the gun to her head, the man yelled "You heard me, drink it!"
Fearing for her life, the woman complied.
When she finished, the man took off his ski mask and she saw that it was her husband.
"There" he said, "now that wasn't so ****ing bad, was it?"
Fearing for her life, the woman led the man to the vault.
"Open it!" he said
Again, fearing for her life, she did as she was told and they walked inside.
"Pick up that sample vial" he ordered.
So she did.
"Now drink it!" he yelled.
"What!?" she asked
Putting the gun to her head, the man yelled "You heard me, drink it!"
Fearing for her life, the woman complied.
When she finished, the man took off his ski mask and she saw that it was her husband.
"There" he said, "now that wasn't so ****ing bad, was it?"
