"The talk"....

[FlyDawg72]

I have a 13 year old step daughter who is more comfortable asking ME the questions instead of her mother. I usually answer her questions with, "Well, what do you THINK that means?" or "How do you THINK it happens?" ... then elaborate or offer correct information based on the response. My wife and I BOTH shoot straight, offer 100% accurate and truthful answers using the correct terminology while looking her straight in the eye. Help her understand this is serious to us, and we want to answer her questions honestly, because if WE don't... someone else WILL.

 

[RIDDLE]

I don't have any kids, so I have no experience there.

I never got the "talk". My parents left some informative books on my shelf and I read them. I have no idea where they got them but they were made for just that very thing.

My mom did offer to buy me condoms while we were in line at the grocery store! She thought I might be embarrassed to buy them. Heck, the only thing I was embarrassed by was her asking me in the middle of a crowded store!

 

[Laufen]

Were they within ear shot of the neighbors? You could have walked outside with it and had some fun at their expense....

Our closest neighbor was 2 miles away. Otherwise it would have been great.

 

[linebacker]

I have to admit the talk was way easier with my son! So with my daughter I did what all cool dad's would do! We text each other from our bedrooms for about an hour and after realizing she is one smart kid with a great head on her shoulder I walked in her room and told her how proud I am and how much I love her and then said " I am glad we had this text"!!!!!! She said me too dad thanks and you don't have to worry!!!!!!!!!!!


I am blessed to have the kids God brought before me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree, girls are a different story. I gained full custody of my two oldest daughters ages 3 and 2. So, for many years before I remarried, I was a mother and father to them. When they reached "womanhood" I had already talked to both seperately about what would happen when they have their first period etc. Not long after that, I had the "first time talk" with both of them, once again seperately. The key thing that I told them both was, The first time should be very special with someone that you have known and cared about for a long time. Because there will only be one first time. I am proud to say that both of them actually came to me when they were considering their first time and I told them both that it was their choice to make, not mine.
They are ages 29 and soon to be 28 now. The oldest is married, a para pro and future teacher with one daughter. The other is engaged, an LPN and soon to be RN. They are both a blessing.

 

[Scout706]

No, N/A, No. Divorced, boys with Mom.

something I wasn't taught in Health class, learned in my 30s: Testicular torsion. Know what it is, know the signs. A member on another forum had a 8 (or so) y.o. grandson lose one of the "boys" to this, didn't seek help in time. Anytime you have (unexplainable) pain "down there" seek medical help.

 

[Jbum]

I agree, girls are a different story. I gained full custody of my two oldest daughters ages 3 and 2. So, for many years before I remarried, I was a mother and father to them. When they reached "womanhood" I had already talked to both seperately about what would happen when they have their first period etc. Not long after that, I had the "first time talk" with both of them, once again seperately. The key thing that I told them both was, The first time should be very special with someone that you have known and cared about for a long time. Because there will only be one first time. I am proud to say that both of them actually came to me when they were considering their first time and I told them both that it was their choice to make, not mine.
They are ages 29 and soon to be 28 now. The oldest is married, a para pro and future teacher with one daughter. The other is engaged, an LPN and soon to be RN. They are both a blessing.

to you sir!!!!!!

 

[Dr. Jekyll]

This could work as a one time thing, but it works best if you start when they are young, but old enough to understand what they are doing, 5 or 6 maybe. Boys do it with dad, girls do it with mom.

Once a year, plan an "overnight with mom (or dad)". Parent and individual child go spend an overnight at a local hotel/motel, (or some other appropriate place, maybe you have a family cabin, or lake house, or something). It doesn't have to be fancy and you don't have to leave town, just something to make it a special occasion. Check in as early as you can so you have plenty of day left on the first day. Play in the pool, watch TV together, order in pizza, play video games, all the cool son/father, daughter/mother cool stuff. Make it clear that this is exclusively their time - no calling back home, no calling friends, or work, no checking email, etc. Don't announce it in advance, but in the evening of the first day or morning of the next day, settle down together and have an "ask me anything" time. Explain that this is their time to talk to you about anything or ask about anything, anything at all. There's no one around to hear or know about it and it's just between the two of you. There are no stupid, bad or inappropriate questions and you'll give the most sincere and honest answers or opinions possible. Obviously when they are very young there won't be much on their minds, but you can guide the conversation somewhat by asking about friends, siblings, things going on at school, etc. You can approach things like bullying or anything else that you might think appropriate. When they are younger you can ask what they think about girls/boys and it can be pretty entertaining.

The important thing is that this becomes a family tradition. As they get older, it will seem normal to have this special time with the parent and, hopefully, they will appreciate the safe, secure and private opportunity to talk about or ask even the most sensitive of things. Of course, you must hold up your end of the bargain that things talked about are never discussed in the presence of anyone else. (Private conversations with the spouse notwithstanding - if it's something they need to know about.)

By the time they are ready for the nitty-gritty details of "the talk", this should be a perfect setting for it and both parties should be pretty comfortable. This can be an amazing thing for parent/child relationships.

 

[41mag]

Dad brought me a hooker when I was 12.... Talk over !

 

[strider12]

Dad brought me a hooker when I was 12.... Talk over !

Ah the good old days.

 

[41mag]

She taught me everything I needed to know !