Good read (and true)

[albatros43]

Been married twelve years now and the first several were HARD. I now believe those hard years were what it took for God to crush the selfish boy in me, and make me a man who gladly sacrifices for his wife and kids. What can I say, I thought I was a great guy and it took what it took to show me otherwise lol. Funny how when I chose to focus on my shortcomings as a husband and a Father her shortcomings seemed to take care of themselves. I am not saying this is always, or even often the case in anyone else's relationship. It was definitely the case in my house. She is an amazing women who I am overwhelming grateful for. She is the one who gave me money, for my birthday, to shop on the ODT with and make my first interweb gun purchase. What else can I say.

Great post. Conflict is normally caused by our own pride and/or selfishness.

 

[George P. Burdell]

I can't agree with most of this article. maybe it's true about some people but I know a lot of people in their mid to late 20s (myself included) that are happily married. I don't have any friends like the ones described in the article. To me this seems like a narrative that the media wants us to believe for some reason. I do think a lot of people are waiting longer to get married and raise kids but that doesn't mean they won't. If all you can find are women that are only in it for what the man can provide, you are looking for the wrong type of girl. I've been married 4 years next week and am looking forward to what life throws at us. Wouldn't change it for a thing

 

[GeauxLSU]

In my case I was engaged for two years and was constantly being accused of being something I wasn't. She doesn't really believe I'm an unfaithful prick, but her insecurities are way over the top and too overbearing. I've never treated anyone better. Shame on her for not appreciating me. I don't understand. She was a fitness model and is not someone who you would think is insecure by looking at her. Not by a long shot. I suppose it's an old story. Some women want a good man until they have one, then they take him for granted. Some men are guilty of this too, so I'm not excusing them either. Then the day finally comes when he or she (the one being taken for granted) gets tired of it and gives up, then the one who took them for granted for years all of a sudden claim they can't live without them. Too late. Much too late. It's like a never ending, stupid game. I've heard some guys say "don't ever get too comfortable..." And that's one reason I'm not married and never have been. If I get married I'm going to be comfortable or why do it? Why would I want to spend my life constantly worrying about the person I'm with? Not me.

Of course there are plenty of head cases. Everybody has their issues. The most attractive girl I ever dated was the most jealous (and therefore insecure). She was absolutely striking and would turn every head in a room. You know when you see some amazingly beautiful girl with some guy and you think "What in the world is SHE doing with HIM!" Yeah... I was that guy.
I waited until I was almost 30 to get married and I came really REALLY close to doing it twice before I proposed to my wife. Thank God (literally) I waited.
Biggest mistake most people make I think is 'looking' for a spouse. Recipe for disaster IMHO.

 

[bassdaddy00]

Of course there are plenty of head cases. Everybody has their issues. The most attractive girl I ever dated was the most jealous (and therefore insecure). She was absolutely striking and would turn every head in a room. You know when you see some amazingly beautiful girl with some guy and you think "What in the world is SHE doing with HIM!" Yeah... I was that guy.
I waited until I was almost 30 to get married and I came really REALLY close to doing it twice before I proposed to my wife. Thank God (literally) I waited.
Biggest mistake most people make I think is 'looking' for a spouse. Recipe for disaster IMHO.

I agree completely with that post and the previous you put up. I have been married to the same woman for 26 years, 1 month and 12 days. We knew the first time we saw each other we would be together forever. I can only hope my daughters can find the same love we have. She has always been the best thing to ever happen to my sorry butt.

 

[chazehen]

I was married for ten years and have been happily divorced for the last ten. I am much happier now and have no plans to ever try it again. My son is almost 18, has lived solely with me for the past three years and I make my last child support payment next month. I make five times more than I did when I was married and she cannot even support herself right now. I'm not bitter at all just grateful for a way better life for me and my child. All the women I have met are looking for someone to take care of them and bring nothing to the table. I might just be unlucky or doing something wrong when it comes to women but they sure don't seem to make them like they used to. This article rings true with me. God bless all of you who have found the right one. It is getting exponentially tougher these days

 

[GeauxLSU]

My son is almost 18, has lived solely with me for the past three years and I make my last child support payment next month.

You were paying her even though he's been living with you? Yeah... that stinks.

 

[chazehen]

You were paying her even though he's been living with you? Yeah... that stinks.

Yeah, it was easier than arguing about it. We've managed to get along and keep the focus on our son. I'm very fortunate in that respect. Now it's time to pay for college...yippee!

 

[GeauxLSU]

Yeah, it was easier than arguing about it. We've managed to get along and keep the focus on our son. I'm very fortunate in that respect. Now it's time to pay for college...yippee!

Good luck to both of you.

 

[MRH]

Of course there are plenty of head cases. Everybody has their issues. The most attractive girl I ever dated was the most jealous (and therefore insecure). She was absolutely striking and would turn every head in a room. You know when you see some amazingly beautiful girl with some guy and you think "What in the world is SHE doing with HIM!" Yeah... I was that guy.
I waited until I was almost 30 to get married and I came really REALLY close to doing it twice before I proposed to my wife. Thank God (literally) I waited.
Biggest mistake most people make I think is 'looking' for a spouse. Recipe for disaster IMHO.

Yes, looking for a spouse is a recipe for disaster. I look at it like my parents. The word "if" has never entered their thinking. "If we make it", "If it works out", etc...Too many ifs with people diving head first into marriage. If you say if, you're probably going to regret getting married. Perhaps my way of thinking is outdated and old school, but the old timers obviously were doing something right. Divorce was almost completely unheard of in the 50's. Look at how many older couples have been together for 30, 40, 50+ years...My parents will be married 48 years next month. That's the way it should be, IMO. I know couples my age (41) that have been together 20+ years. They are getting to be fewer and farther between but they are out there. They don't say "if".

 

[George P. Burdell]

Yes, looking for a spouse is a recipe for disaster. I look at it like my parents. The word "if" has never entered their thinking. "If we make it", "If it works out", etc...Too many ifs with people diving head first into marriage. If you say if, you're probably going to regret getting married. Perhaps my way of thinking is outdated and old school, but the old timers obviously were doing something right. Divorce was almost completely unheard of in the 50's. Look at how many older couples have been together for 30, 40, 50+ years...My parents will be married 48 years next month. That's the way it should be, IMO. I know couples my age (41) that have been together 20+ years. They are getting to be fewer and farther between but they are out there. They don't say "if".

From what I have read (and I'll admit I haven't researched this a ton) divorce rates have gone down significantly in the last 30-40 years. http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-myth-of-the-high-rate-of-divorce/00011473
http://www.mckinleyirvin.com/Family-Law-Blog/2012/October/32-Shocking-Divorce-Statistics.aspx

I do agree though that "if" should not be part of the equation for most people