Joke time!!!! Gimme your best!!!
- Thread starter BLOODETTE23
- Start date
A termite walked into a saloon and asked, "Is the bar tender here?"
"I Miss Bill Clinton"
From a show on Canadian TV, there was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton. "Yep, that's right -- I miss Bill Clinton!
He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President.
Number 1 -- He played the sax.
Number 2 -- He smoked weed.
Number 3 -- He had his way with ugly white women.
Even now? Look at him... his wife works, and he don't! And, he gets a check from the government every month.
Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with "Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nation's most distinguished men.
It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.
Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton.
The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada.
When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied,
"I don't know, I never had one."
The Clinton revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know."
Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do hanky-panky between Bushes."
We are required by IRS Circular 230 to inform you that any statements contained here are NOT intended or written to be used, and cannot be used, by you or any other taxpayer for the purpose of avoiding any penalties that
may be imposed by Federal Tax Law.
From a show on Canadian TV, there was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton. "Yep, that's right -- I miss Bill Clinton!
He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President.
Number 1 -- He played the sax.
Number 2 -- He smoked weed.
Number 3 -- He had his way with ugly white women.
Even now? Look at him... his wife works, and he don't! And, he gets a check from the government every month.
Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with "Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nation's most distinguished men.
It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.
Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton.
The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada.
When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied,
"I don't know, I never had one."
The Clinton revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know."
Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do hanky-panky between Bushes."
We are required by IRS Circular 230 to inform you that any statements contained here are NOT intended or written to be used, and cannot be used, by you or any other taxpayer for the purpose of avoiding any penalties that
may be imposed by Federal Tax Law.
My New Truck
I bought a new Chevy Silverad and returned it to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work.
The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.
'Nelson,' the salesman said to the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'
'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' Came from the speakers.
Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant ' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, Every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, 'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid him. I yelled, 'A Hole!'
Immediately the radio responded with, "Ladies and gentlemen, The President of The United Statesâ
Damn I love this truck...
I bought a new Chevy Silverad and returned it to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work.
The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.
'Nelson,' the salesman said to the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'
'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' Came from the speakers.
Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant ' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, Every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, 'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid him. I yelled, 'A Hole!'
Immediately the radio responded with, "Ladies and gentlemen, The President of The United Statesâ
Damn I love this truck...
A Busload of Catholic School girls goes over a cliff and they all die.
They are then all standing in a line at the pearly gates, and Peter asks the first one, "What is the worst sin you have ever committed with a man?"
She replies, "I have touched a penis with the tip of my finger", Peter Replies " Dip your finger in the fountain and go through my child"
The next girl in line is asked the same question, she replies " I have touched a penis with my entire hand"
Peter says, "dip your hand in the fountain and go through my child"
Peter is about to ask the third girl in line the question when a girl sprints up from the back of the line screaming " Wait, Wait"
Peter says" What is it my child?"
The girl Replies, " Let me gargle before Lindsey puts her dirty ass in the fountain"
They are then all standing in a line at the pearly gates, and Peter asks the first one, "What is the worst sin you have ever committed with a man?"
She replies, "I have touched a penis with the tip of my finger", Peter Replies " Dip your finger in the fountain and go through my child"
The next girl in line is asked the same question, she replies " I have touched a penis with my entire hand"
Peter says, "dip your hand in the fountain and go through my child"
Peter is about to ask the third girl in line the question when a girl sprints up from the back of the line screaming " Wait, Wait"
Peter says" What is it my child?"
The girl Replies, " Let me gargle before Lindsey puts her dirty ass in the fountain"
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A blonde is driving down a country road, and she looks over into this grassy field. She sees another blonde, in the middle of the grassy field, in a row boat, just rowing away. Infuriated, she stops and gets out and yells at the blonde in the rowboat "what the hell do you think you're doing? That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen a woman do. You're giving blondes a bad name, and If I could swim, I'd swim out there and kick your ass!"
Two blondes, one on each side of a river...One yells to the other "Hey, how do I get to the other side?" The other blonde looks around and says "DUH, You already ARE on the other side"...
Two blondes, one on each side of a river...One yells to the other "Hey, how do I get to the other side?" The other blonde looks around and says "DUH, You already ARE on the other side"...
What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
I don't know how to make a vitamin!
I don't know how to make a vitamin!
Why is it that when a guy has sexy with many girls, he's a "pimp", but when a girl has sex with many men, she's a "whore"?
Because a key that can open many locks is a master key and a lock that can be opened by any can ain't worth a damn.
Because a key that can open many locks is a master key and a lock that can be opened by any can ain't worth a damn.
I was looking through my wife's pictures in her phone and I think I found some photo's of us having sex on vacation. Well, I assume it was vacation, because my dick was really tan and looked huge!
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My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex.....she objects.
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My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex.....she objects.
