This Joke is too Close to Home huh?

[Megawolf]

A drunk stumbles across a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.
He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yess, Preacher..I sure am."
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.
"Nooo, I haven't!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"Noooo, I have not Reverend."
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher...
"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

 

[Megawolf]

Twin sisters in Sunnyside Nursing Home were turning 100 years old. The local newspaper sends a photographer to take pictures...
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.
The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.
"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE."
So they wiggled up close to each other.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.
Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US!"

 

[Megawolf]

 

[GAgunLAWbooklet]

Now we all know... Nike athletic shoes are for ghetto trash and America-hating scum.
Not any decent people.
I think I used to have a pair of Nike running shoes. I don't have to burn them, though. They wore out years ago, and I threw them out.

 

[Megawolf]

I thought this funny

 

[Megawolf]

Now Levi Jeans?

 

[Megawolf]

Gonna put this on my bike.

 

[Megawolf]

Wow !.. You will not believe what happened to me today. I pulled in to get gas at QT. Having only cash I had to pay inside. As I was walking in, I noticed these 2 cops watching a man who was smoking while pumping gas. I saw him & thought, "Is this Man drunk, stupid, or just crazy?!! With the officers right there too?!"

But anyway, I went inside and paid. As I was checking out, I heard someone screaming, i knew what was happening. I looked out the window & the man's arm was on fire! He was swinging his arm & running around going crazy! As I went outside, the officers had to take him to the ground & they put the fire out with their coffees!!

Then they handcuffed him & threw him in the police car. I, being the curious person that I am, I asked the officers what they were arresting him for... The cop looked me square in the eyes & said ... "WAVING A FIREARM!"

 

[Megawolf]

A Married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel.
Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph.
The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.
He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently. Up to 60. "I want the car, too," he continues.
Then 65 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
This makes him nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies-in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need," she says.
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag!"

 

[Megawolf]

Is it worthy?


A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancé to meet them.
After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man.
The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink. “So what are your plans?”
The father asks the young man. “I am a Torah scholar.” He says
“A Torah scholar, Hmmm,” the father says. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she is accustomed to?”
“I will study,” the young man said, and God will provide for us.”
“And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?” asks the father.
“I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man replies, “God will provide for us.”
“And children?” asks the father. “How will you support children?”
“Don’t worry, sir, God will provide,” replies the fiancé.
The conversation continues like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insist that God will provide.
Later, the mother asks, “How did it go, Honey?”
The father answers, “He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I’m God.”