Men making new friends...

My younger self had no problem making new friends. I had one extremely traumatic experience that turned violent that brought my trust of anyone to near 0. At the time, I had issues with even trusting family even though they had nothing to do with it. For the longest time I just felt that everyone being friendly had ulterior motives.

I’ve gotten better with it over time. I’ve made friends while living in Georgia but they are fairweather friends, kinda like the placeholders Duke556 Duke556 has. I don’t blame them. I still struggle with trust but I also like to have control of my time.

I guess the cool thing is (even though my wife and son would be devastated) is that I could literally be 100% happy alone in the woods. Maybe make an appearance once a year to see everyone and let them know I’m still kickin.
 
Lionheart said:
I find myself agreeing with the concept of men needing true friends to do life with...and I agree our spouses can not be that person.
I am sensing from your posts that your definition of a true friend may be a little different than mine however.
What I mean is that you seem to want a clone or “foxhole buddy” for a relationship centered around pushing each other to be tougher, more physical, etc...sort of a macho man or alpha male thing.
Nothing wrong with that on some level but my list of candidates for a true friend would focus more on authenticity and humility...being strong without being prideful about it.
I’m looking for a few good men to work through the following bookView attachment 5168398:
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For the last few years I’ve really paid attention to how you respond to people (at least here). It’s always a level of tact and thoughtfulness that a lot of people these days have forgotten and I appreciate that. I haven’t read a paper book in a while but I’m going to give this book a glance.
 
Gingerbeard Man said:
For the last few years I’ve really paid attention to how you respond to people (at least here). It’s always a level of tact and thoughtfulness that a lot of people these days have forgotten and I appreciate that. I haven’t read a paper book in a while but I’m going to give this book a glance.
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Thanks for the kind words sir...and I highly recommend the book. With one caveat.
Buckle your chin strap because it’s not for the faint-hearted.
 
Gingerbeard Man said:
For the last few years I’ve really paid attention to how you respond to people (at least here). It’s always a level of tact and thoughtfulness that a lot of people these days have forgotten and I appreciate that. I haven’t read a paper book in a while but I’m going to give this book a glance.
Click to expand...
Wild at Heart by John Eldridge is a really good read too.
 
I'm not throwing a pity party but even with a wife, 2 teenage daughters and a huge extended family I have no one in my corner. It's totally my fault too. I've always kept to myself and a full blown loner, but that's how I like it. I take care of wife and kids, go to school functions and ball games but you won't see me at parties, functions or social gatherings. Not paranoid, just don't like or trust other people, not even some of my close family.

Sent from my LG-H700 using Tapatalk
 
murphranch said:
I'm not throwing a pity party but even with a wife, 2 teenage daughters and a huge extended family I have no one in my corner. It's totally my fault too. I've always kept to myself and a full blown loner, but that's how I like it. I take care of wife and kids, go to school functions and ball games but you won't see me at parties, functions or social gatherings. Not paranoid, just don't like or trust other people, not even some of my close family.

Sent from my LG-H700 using Tapatalk
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Damn Murph...I’ll be yo Doc Holiday. You can be Wyatt lol.
Seriously, one of my favorite movies and I loved the scene when Doc was asked why he was out there helping Wyatt when he was so sick.
Doc replied, “Wyatt Earp is my friend.”
The other cowboy who asked him the question snorts in reply...”Hell Doc, I have lots of friends”...to which Holiday replies...”I don’t“.
 
Duke556 said:
So today’s topic is friends, making friends as a man over 30, or over 40 as it is in my case. I think this is one of the biggest challenges we face individually as men and I’m gonna be the one to drop my nuts on the desk and address it with all of you. In the hopes that at the least we get a good discussion going, and at best maybe I can link up with someone to be a solid “local friend”. What do I mean by local friend, well I have two great ones that live 6 hours north and 6 hours south of me. Which is a little tough logistically to do anything more than once a month or once every other month based on their schedules (kids, work, girlfriend, etc).

I’m lucky that I have a supportive wife who is totally encouraging of her man getting out and doing “man ****” with other dudes as much as logistics allow. I have two local “place holders” who while close by, just don’t make the cut. I’m gonna get a little negative here for a minute but stay with me and I’ll pick it back up. The place holders are guys (we all know them) who are always saying “we need to go shoot”, or “we need to go get lunch” but you either don’t hear from them or when you reach out they have to ask momma if they can have some adult time. Or you’re just slightly out of their comfort zone and they don’t want to be challenged by a friend to be better (whether it’s more fitness, being well read, taking on some charity work, whatever really). A lot of guys (note, not men) want it easy, they want to be with someone who doesn’t question, challenge or push them to be better.

Well Gentlemen, that’s absolute horse**** and if you’re doing that, you’re a place holder for someone and you’re not being the best version of yourself for your wife, kids, job and certainly not yourself…and oh yeah, your dog knows too. I don’t mean to come off like an a$$ here because a lot of place holders know their situation and they just don’t want to spend the energy to come out of it. Therefore we gotta sort and sift til we find the men that can challenge us.

If you’re currently in a good tribe, well then, I congratulate you. Hell, send me a PM maybe I can be a part of it, maybe I can be challenged and uncomfortable catching up.

Ok so a little about me;

I don’t want to go to church with you. I love the lord but I also love my Sundays and am perfectly happy without the hypocrisy of organized religions on a lot of fronts (that one just lost me some contenders fellas LOL). But it’s how I feel.

I enjoy working out. Kettlebells, rucking, swimming, running weights. I’m former Mil and LE so the body has taken a beating. But if you can’t keep up with a 49 year old who’s been through some injuries than yeah…we covered that above.

I like to read, and write (obviously). I am a dog owner and my Dane mix is better behaved than most people’s kids. Lotta time and work goes into that. I am married (for a lot of years) and that came with some scars and lessons that I’m happy to pass on if someone is in my friend circle. By the time you reach 50 you realize that all of your mistakes and bullsh1t were for a reason and helped mold you into the person you currently are.

I’m not into sports, sorry lost a whole bunch with that one. My theory is if I didn’t go to the school, or ain’t being paid by the team then why should I give a rip, much less learn the stats, etc. If that’s you then go with god. Have a blast. I am a movie guy and can quote anchorman with the best of em’

If you wanna know more you’ll reach out. Or you can message me to GF myself, that’d be fine too LOL

Feel free to post comments on this taboo subject we all should be looking into.

Cheers gentlemen.

Matt
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You need to start shooting action pistol or carbine matches, you will find friends there unless you have personality issues. If you have personality issues you will still have a good time and you might make friends with people that have similar personality issues.
 
Asbestos said:
I made a good friend just 5 hours ago. All it cost me was $30 and a couple hours of the most enjoyable conversation one could hope for. I walked away with a really nice knife, a belly full of BBQ and a smile on my face. Couldn't be happier.

This thread just made me think.... most of the people I know who are in miserable marriages started out LOOKING for a wife. 31 years ago, the last thing I wanted was a wife... but she's perfect... even after 31 years.

I'd guess actually seeking friendships might work as good as pushing a rope. Get out there and be a part of it all. Good friendships just kinda happen. All of our efforts will certainly ruin the stew.
Click to expand...

I was wondering if I was the only one who has never intentionally looked for friends.

Am 100% satisfied with the the quantity and quality of my friends, and every time I see one of these threads I wanna help out but don't know how. All my friendships just kinda happened. Co-workers, family, families friends, neighborhood friends, customers, lots of friends from ODT the past decades.

Just start trading and conversating here, if you haven't made a few good friends in a few years you're probably just a dick :lol:
 
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