I think way to much is made of the 45 recoil. It is not unusual for new shooters that I introduce to hand guns to shoot a 45 well with only a few hours practice on smaller calibers. I work them up from 22 to 9mm to 40 to 45. After they have done this I will have a variety of handguns available for them to compare shooting side by side. They will be compact or even sub-compact because that's what most people want to use for carry. Sure there are some that just don't like anything bigger than the 9, but it is surprising how many small women can shoot the he77 out of a sub-compact 45 by the end of their first day training.
^^^^This X2, with the exception of the .40 (I don't own a .40)